shit mittens

n. A person's hands that are covered in human excrement (shit)
ex. A general description of being displeased, or a term for an unpleasant person

Ex. (n) That guy needs to learn to wipe, he was wearing a pair of shit mittens when he came out of the stall.

(n) My daughter tried to take care of her own diaper, but only ended up with a pair of shit mittens.

(ex) Oh shit mittens!

(ex) Don't listen to that guy, he's just a shit mitten.

by Spc. Edwards August 24, 2006

Shit mittens

The improvised action of cutting out the lining or fabric from one’s pants pocket to repurpose it as an emergency substitute for toilet paper when no conventional options are available, often in desperate or remote situations. This makeshift solution provides a quick, albeit unconventional, means of personal hygiene, though it may result in compromised clothing integrity.

In the heat of a top-secret op behind enemy lines, Private Murphy, facing a dire “logistical crisis” with no TP in sight, stealthily converted his camo pants into shit mittens—proving once again that soldiers improvise, adapt, and overcome… even if it means walking funny for the rest of the mission.

by VoodooJack November 16, 2025

shit mitten

When you roll toilet paper around ur hand like a mitten and use it to wipe the shit from your ass.

The pipes weren't clogged from the shit itself, it was from the damn shit mitten.

Damn that's a lot of poo! I'm definitely gonna need a shit mitten.

LITTLE KID- "Daddy wipe me.."
FATHER- "Uhh..why dont you use your shit mitten instead."

by rotfloling April 12, 2009

Shitmittens

Someone so totally incompetent they manage to ruin everything they touch, as if someone was wearing mittens made out of shit. As useful replacement for the term asshat

We could get this project done a lot faster if shitmittens over here would stop accidentally deleting the files.

by DrBruz October 17, 2014

shitkittens

(interjection) An expression of irritation or anger that exploits the ironic juxtaposition of the scatalogical expletive "shit" with the harmless fluffy imagery of kittens. Also alludes to the colloquialism that one is so nervous/upset that one could birth kittens, or shit something unusual.

Oh shitkittens! I left my cell phone at home.

by Sarah Keebs August 30, 2005

shitmitten

when you have to play badminton in PE

Did you hear, we are playing shitmitten today.

by Conniera April 7, 2008

Shitmitten

What occurs from excessive wrapping of the hand with toilet paper prior to wiping ones ass.

Common to those with enormous asses.
Commonly leads to a shitter overflow.

Johnny dropped a huge shitmitten into the shitter and clogged to whole works.

by Granite_33 May 2, 2011