SPECIES - Redtards are a group of carnivorous homo sapiens in the genus
Mullet family. They reside in the southern USA, are highly territorial, prefer open grassland, high fructose corn syrup and have an inverted mathematical relationship between their years of education and the number of offspring they
bear.
CULTURE - Redtards subscribe to the notions: the repetition of unsupportable concepts inherently transforms them into fact and “if Jesus said it, da-gummit, dats bowt
good 'nuf fer us”. Redtards tend to hide from the light in FoxNews holes and can be identified roaming the woodlands chanting arcane
war cries of "drill baby drill" as a solution to the global energy crisis and believe that the recent
frost in their hayfield invalidates the irrefutable science of global warming.
MARKINGS - The markings of this species are the absence of teeth, barb wire tattoos or the billowing of
red/
white/blue fabric planted in front of their trailer dwellings. Borderline Redtards can validate their inclusion if they have more than
one Jeff Foxworthy box set, and can deadeye three of five
tin cans with standard gauge buck
shot from a distance of four Camaros or more.
MATINGS - Redtards tend to mate within two degrees of their immediate genealogy, preferring to do so in four-wheel drive vehicles with mounted weaponry. This species,
long believed to be headed toward extinction, is instead propagating at an unprecedented pace and thereby poses an immediate threat to the universe.
Glen Beck is such a redtard! He
said that the recent snow in his front
yard must be "global cooling" because global warming is a
scam.
