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portable douche kit 

one whose doucheness is so ingrained or inherent to his existence that it travels everywhere with him;

the very person who is so totally douched up
Mr Dude: Fuck, here comes Nelson. I can't stand that idiot.
Uncle Dude: Dude is a portable douche kit.
Mr Dude: Thats refreshing.

portable douche 

A douche you take with you on your travels.
I used my portable douche last night because I was about to get nailed!