portable douche

A douche you take with you on your travels.

I used my portable douche last night because I was about to get nailed!

portable douche kit

one whose doucheness is so ingrained or inherent to his existence that it travels everywhere with him;

the very person who is so totally douched up

Mr Dude: Fuck, here comes Nelson. I can't stand that idiot.
Uncle Dude: Dude is a portable douche kit.
Mr Dude: Thats refreshing.