Porch Beers 

Porch Beers originated during COVID when we couldn't hang out inside. It's a sacred time for middle-aged suburban dads to complain about their wives (and kids). It sometimes involves looking over your shoulder before asking your buddy, "But you said that to her?"

Dave: "Tough week at work. Porch beers?"

Ankur: "Hell yeah."

Erik: "Yeah man. I've been getting my B's busted. Let's do it."

Porch Beers by Friends Show July 19, 2025

Porch Beer 

Here is the porch beer recipe. It can only be made in the summer.

1. Buy a bunch of Heineken. This is the raw ingredient necessary for the brew. No substitutions with quality beer allowed.
2. Put it in a cooler with ice and a bunch of other beer and a turkey/tomato/mayo/lettuce/Swiss wrap. Let part of the sandwich fall into the ice.
3. Leave the cooler on the back porch in the sun for a month. Do not drain the water or pick out the wrap.
4. Open the cooler, and clean everything up. Throw out all the other brands of beer and wash teh Heiny bottles under your backyard spigot to get the cap rust off and to clean off the botulism from what was the turkey wrap.
5. Line the beers up on the same bench you have the upended cooler drying out on. Ensure this location gets the sun/rain/wind, etc.
6. Leave beer in the sun for a month or more.
7. Put beer in fridge.
8. Drink and stand the fug back.

Note: Author is NOT responsible for what happens to you, or those around you, your loved ones or your marriage.

Author's stomach and intestines have been hardened by food poisoning in Turkey, by undercooked lamb and sheep testicles in South Africa, balut in the Philippines, swamp crawdads and by years of bad cooking. The novice porch beer maker with a Wonder bread stomach could be KILLED.

May God have mercy on your soul.

Last year's foolhardy porch beer experiments are still haunting my colon.

Porch Beer by NYA RW June 11, 2011

Porch Beer 

When you don't feel justified paying 7.99 for a beer at a local bar, when you can buy the 6 pack and have 6 friends over for the same price, drinking beers on the front porch.

I wanted to go out, but my budget was tight so i called my pals and invited them over for porch Beers. First round is on me!

Porch Beer by Dev4522 July 31, 2009

Porch Beer 

A porch beer is when you are home and don't feel like going out so you sit on your porch with a friend and have a beer. All of a sudden more people show up!

You never know when a few Porch Beers with your friend could lead to an all out party right there on your front porch.

Porch Beer by dev4522 August 6, 2009

Beer Pooch 

Similar to a beer gut, a beer pooch is achieved by drinking too much beer too often. A beer pooch is usually less extreme than a beer gut and can be referred to what a woman usually gets after drinking beer for an extensive period of time.

"Ew, look at my beer pooch in that picture, time to start working out."

"That girl needs to put that beer down, she's getting a beer pooch!"

Beer Pooch by princezofdorks August 21, 2009

beer pouch 

a smaller and more "cute" lil beer belly
most commonly on girls
starts a lil above the belly button and stops right where your jeans start
DOES NOT STICK OUT PAST YOUR BOOBS!
if it does its a beer belly lol

boyfriend: aww u gotta lil stomach goin on there
me: aw what my beer pouch?

beer pouch by Lil_Nikki1818 February 24, 2010

Porchneers 

Adjective. The description of the distance between a person and the nearest porch.

Porchneers tonight? I'm buying.

Porchneers by ocks_rock November 29, 2011