After a neighbor heard me tell my Mother that he, a cigarettesmoker, was addicted to nicotine, thus a "nicotine addict", got him to realize what he was really doing—drugging himself.
Noon: Why is my hair falling out again?
Nurse: Because of your crippling nicotine addiction we have to give you chemotherapy to fight off your stage 7 mouth cancer
While our lifespan is the number of years we will live, our healthspan is the number of healthy years we will have and our sexspan is is the number of years we will continue to be healthy enough to continue having an active sex life.
A lighthearted reaction upon receiving disappointing news of some sort. Usually something that isn't a particularly a big deal, esp. when it primarily affects someone else - sort of a mild schadenfreude. Sometimes doubled or tripled, and possibly said in a sing-songy voice for added comedic effect to imitate a muted trumpet, which is how the meme originated.
You didn't get any napkins with your takeout pork fried rice? Womp womp.