Jonathan Papelbon

kick ass closer/future ace pitcher for the Boston Red Sox; wears number 58 and has a 100 mph heater and nasty splitter - is also the best pick I ever made in a fantasy draft and is the reason why Beaner can't beat the Leprechauns for shit

Jonathan Papelbon has 15 saves in 15 oppurtunities for the Red Sox

Jonathan Papelbon can strike ur ass out with his eyes closed

Jonathan Papelbon by andy40250 May 30, 2006

Jonathan Papelbon

A closer for the Boston Red Sox who single-handedly blew his team's entire 2009 season in one winning against the Angels.

When the All Star Game was held in New York in 2008 he made the mistake of saying he should close instead of Mariono Rivera. Rivera is both the Yankees' closer and best closer of all time so you think it goes without saying that he gets to close when the game is held in his team's city.

Papelbon, who is from Louisiana and probably didn't finish grade school, didn't understand this and when Yankee fans expressed their outrage at his comment, he claimed he became frightened for his pregnant wife when him and her participated in the parade before the game.

He is a complete moron and yokel who probably has sex with his sister.

Baseball fan: How did the Red Sox do in the playoffs in 2009?

Red Sox fan: They did pretty well but if it wasn't for Jonathan Papelbon who knows how far they could've gone.

Baseball fan: Yeah, he really fucked you guys huh?

Red Sox fan: Amazing how 1 guy was able to blow an entire season in 1 inning.

Jonathan Papelbon by HedoRick September 17, 2010