From observation, recognising that the general standard of television in my opinion has deteriorated and continues to do so year by year, so much so I now watch very little, I’ve found as far as the programme quality and content on all television channels, the following Doghouse's Laws of Television often apply.
I started compiling this list several years ago and some of these "laws" are now occasionally mentioned by contributors to a specific TV network message board, though of course they can apply to any channel.
I'm sure other contributors may relate to some of them and can think of other examples of practices which could be added to the list.
With a new programme, if your impression of it after ten minutes is that it's going to be rubbish, you’ll only be right 95% of the time.
The number of advance programme trails screened, will be in inverse proportion to the quality of the programme. The ”best bits” of any programme will be included in the trail.
The volume of background music will often be in inverse proportion to the amount of watchable activity on the screen at that time.
Any TV audience gets the standard of programmes it deserves. It’s no good complaining about the quality of a programme if you continue to watch it.
If an idea for a programme suggested to a TV network commissioning department isn’t another soap in one form or another, or requires an "in your face" presenter/auto-cutie, celebrities, judges, phone votes, or the inclusion of dysfunctional members of the public, it is unlikely to be made.
The number of programme presenters appearing at any one time, will usually be in inverse proportion to the quality of the programme.
The number and variety of similar programmes on TV, are likely to be in inverse proportion to their cost to present.
To reach the widest audience, in a programme where the subject is of a specific nature, it may include totally unrelated elements in an attempt to also “engage” viewers who aren’t the slightest bit interested in the actual topic, in a futile attempt to increase the ratings.
Some programmes, even a few news bulletins, given the level at which the programme makers pitch their production, should have the words; "for Dummies" added to the title.
If you've any doubts about watching a programme, from the trails or advertising you've seen, take a chance, give it a miss.
I started compiling this list several years ago and some of these "laws" are now occasionally mentioned by contributors to a specific TV network message board, though of course they can apply to any channel.
I'm sure other contributors may relate to some of them and can think of other examples of practices which could be added to the list.
With a new programme, if your impression of it after ten minutes is that it's going to be rubbish, you’ll only be right 95% of the time.
The number of advance programme trails screened, will be in inverse proportion to the quality of the programme. The ”best bits” of any programme will be included in the trail.
The volume of background music will often be in inverse proportion to the amount of watchable activity on the screen at that time.
Any TV audience gets the standard of programmes it deserves. It’s no good complaining about the quality of a programme if you continue to watch it.
If an idea for a programme suggested to a TV network commissioning department isn’t another soap in one form or another, or requires an "in your face" presenter/auto-cutie, celebrities, judges, phone votes, or the inclusion of dysfunctional members of the public, it is unlikely to be made.
The number of programme presenters appearing at any one time, will usually be in inverse proportion to the quality of the programme.
The number and variety of similar programmes on TV, are likely to be in inverse proportion to their cost to present.
To reach the widest audience, in a programme where the subject is of a specific nature, it may include totally unrelated elements in an attempt to also “engage” viewers who aren’t the slightest bit interested in the actual topic, in a futile attempt to increase the ratings.
Some programmes, even a few news bulletins, given the level at which the programme makers pitch their production, should have the words; "for Dummies" added to the title.
If you've any doubts about watching a programme, from the trails or advertising you've seen, take a chance, give it a miss.
by Doghouse Riley November 2, 2008
Get the Doghouse's Laws of Television mug.It is a type of kitten that watches day time TV, or a massive telescope, or a kitten that has an 0898 job - it is NOT a conference call.
Check me out, I'm on the phone - this isn't a telekit!!
by Confused Co-Member December 1, 2010
Get the Telekit mug.Related Words
Teleni
• Telenigas
• television
• teenie
• telekinesis
• telefizzle
• teenis
• teleiophilia
• teenie bopper
• teleiophile
(adjective)
Used to describe someone who is way too old for what he or she is wearing; see also senile.
Used to describe someone who is way too old for what he or she is wearing; see also senile.
by Lush February 25, 2004
Get the teenile mug.by J Dolla August 20, 2007
Get the televisaphonerneting mug.by Dr. Brian O'Blivion May 6, 2004
Get the television mug.A teenage girl (or a guy if he's gay) who likes a band based on their looks, not their actual talent. They typically post crap on message boards and in chats about the band about how the members are so hot.
"LIEK OMFG!!!1 CHAZ FRUM LINKIN PARK IZ SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT!!!!111 I WANT 2 SEE HIM NAKED!!!!1 I WANT 2 FUCK HIM N HAV ALL HIS BABYS!!!11"
"Damn teenie, I'm gonna kill you"
"Damn teenie, I'm gonna kill you"
by td March 26, 2004
Get the teenie mug."Thought to be the ability to move or to cause changes in objects by force of the mind."
- "Carrie" 1976
- "Carrie" 1976
Don't you sometimes wish you had telekinesis?
Yeah, then I could make people think the place was haunted!
Yeah, then I could make people think the place was haunted!
by Saturn's Problem Child February 22, 2008
Get the telekinesis mug.