jackhammer jesus

a dildo in the shape of a crucifix

I found a jackhammer jesus in Kelly's pillowcase

by Big Bubba B April 28, 2004

stoner jesus

the jesus to the stoner. stoners worship him as if he were real and they pray until there is a great amount of marijuana

i cant go out tonite i have to pray to stoner jesus for some weed

by rainbowsandunicorns8492 August 10, 2006

Sweet jesus in a hail storm

1.Something you say when something is just unfucking beleiveable.
2.complete shock or excitement.

1.Ellie: holy shit i have chubb rub.
Tim: Sweet jesus in a hail storm thats disgusting.

2."Sweet jesus in a hail storm I found a $5 bill on the ground."

3.*man gets socked in the face*
"Sweet jesus in a hail storm you got fucked up"

by tim3253265 July 12, 2006

Slim Jesus

- A fake "gangster" rapper.

- A way to say someone is fake as hell.

That boy a Slim Jesus lying about his hood.

by VailStraightliner December 7, 2016

Jesus crap

What comes out when you try to say "Jesus Christ" and "holy crap" at the same time. Will generally come across as either humorous or bizarre to any listeners, unless they are devoutly Christian, in which case they may likely be offended.

Did you hear? The gas station down the road exploded!
Jesus crap!
...What?

by Screennameless January 31, 2009

Jesus joint

A marijuana cigarette rolled with Bible pages in lieu of joint papers.

"Hey, Caleb, we should roll a joint!"

"I wish we could, Brandon, but we don't have any papers."

"Wait! I have my bible! Let's roll a Jesus joint!"

"Oh joyous day! Our afternoon is saved! Quick, I'll race ya to 1st John!"

by brandonjamesrice November 18, 2009

Griefer Jesus

Noun

A satirical version of the Christian god in Grand Theft Auto V wielding a railgun, operating a flying bike, or driving the player's vehicle. He is summoned at random or by choice in GTA V chaos mode with the intent of disrupting or "griefing" the player. Popularised by the streamer "DarkViperAu".

Etymology: Griefer (A player that intentionally ruins the game of others) + Jesus (the name of the Christian god)

The viewers on twitch summoned Griefer Jesus to troll on Matto.

by Rektz April 30, 2022