Cheerleader: dont you just love JW Mitchell HS
Unknown guy : no this place reeks of preppy ass hores and gangster bitches
Unknown guy : no this place reeks of preppy ass hores and gangster bitches
by child of darkness792 November 6, 2009
Get the JW Mitchell HS mug.mitchele:also known as a dumb fucking horse.Mitchele is usually morman and has a freak of a cock.Mitchele loves to usually steal shit and jerk off his freak cock while he takes a shit.mitchele is also the worst person to sneak out with cause his horsey ass is soo fucking loud.
by sillymando June 23, 2009
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One of the funniest commedians EVER, matched only by Dane Cook. Died tragically in late March by a combination of drug abuse and a life-long heart problem... :(
I think Bigfoot is blurry, that's the problem. It's not the photographer's fault. Bigfoot is blurry. And that's extra scary to me, because there's a large, out-of-focus monster roaming the countryside. Run. He's fuzzy. Get outta here.
I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up."
This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to hard.
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".
My friend was walking down the street and he said, "I hear music." As if there is any other way of taking it in. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for...(laughs) That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.
I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..."
I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away...
My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter, but I don't want them too. I'm like, "Hey... Hold on fellows... Let me hold one of you, and feed you a leaf." Koala bears are so cute, why do they have to be so far away from me. We need to ship a few over, so I can hold one, and pat it on its head.
I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
My lucky number is 4 billion, that doesn't come in real handy when your gambling. I'm gonna need some more dice, 4 billion divided by 6, at least.
I think Pringles initial intention was to make tennis balls. But on the day that the rubber was supposed to show up, a big truckload of potatoes arrived. But Pringles is a laid back company. They said "Fuck it. Cut em up."
This product that was on TV was available for four easy payments of $19.95. I would like a product that was available for three easy payments and one complicated payment. We can't tell you which payment it is, but one of these payments is going to hard.
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
At my hotel room, my friend came over and asked to use the phone. I said "Certainly." He said "Do I need to dial 9?" I say "Yeah. Especially if it's in the number. You can try four and five back to back real quick."
I bought a doughnut and they gave me a receipt for the doughnut... I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I give you money and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this. I can't imagine a scenario that I would have to prove that I bought a doughnut. To some skeptical friend, Don't even act like I didn't buy a doughnut, I've got the documentation right here... It's in my file at home. ...Under "D".
My friend was walking down the street and he said, "I hear music." As if there is any other way of taking it in. I tried to taste it, but it did not work.
I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.
If I was a locksmith, I'd be pimping that out man. I'll trade you a free key duplication for...(laughs) That joke made me laugh before I could finish it, which is good, because it had no ending.
I want to be a race car passenger: just a guy who bugs the driver. "Say man, can I turn on the radio? You should slow down. Why do we gotta keep going in circles? Can I put my feet out the window? Man, you really like Tide..."
I wrote a letter to my dad - I wrote, "I really enjoy being here," but I accidentally wrote rarely instead of really. But I still wanted to use it so i crossed it out and wrote, "I rarely drive steamboats, dad - there's a lot of shit you don't know about me. Quit trying to act like I'm a steamboat operator." This letter took a harsh turn right away...
My apartment is infested with koala bears. It's the cutest infestation ever. Way better than cockroaches. When I turn on the light, a bunch of koala bears scatter, but I don't want them too. I'm like, "Hey... Hold on fellows... Let me hold one of you, and feed you a leaf." Koala bears are so cute, why do they have to be so far away from me. We need to ship a few over, so I can hold one, and pat it on its head.
I bought a seven dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got sick of not caring.
I opened-up a yogurt, underneath the lid it said, "Please try again." because they were having a contest that I was unaware of. I thought maybe I opened the yogurt wrong. ...Or maybe Yoplait was trying to inspire me... "Come on Mitchell, don't give up!" An inspirational message from your friends at Yoplait, fruit on the bottom, hope on top.
My lucky number is 4 billion, that doesn't come in real handy when your gambling. I'm gonna need some more dice, 4 billion divided by 6, at least.
by REDWHITEnCrue25 August 13, 2005
Get the Mitch Hedberg mug.A selfish, Bob looking squirrel, toxic, want to kill myself, hanzo main.
He makes you want to suck my hooh.
F*** Mitchell O'Keefe!
He makes you want to suck my hooh.
F*** Mitchell O'Keefe!
by Not Mitchell O'Beef September 4, 2017
Get the Mitchell mug.Male Bitch.
A man who acts as if he has no nuts. Just like a contentious woman who constantly causes problems and messes up everyone's good time and inner peace. Mostly because they are bored or didn't get what they wanted.
A man who acts as if he has no nuts. Just like a contentious woman who constantly causes problems and messes up everyone's good time and inner peace. Mostly because they are bored or didn't get what they wanted.
Damn this guy being a mitch because I stood up for myself and brought him down to our level. He keeps yelling louder then me when I try to talk and trying to get me disliked.
by Man Power June 15, 2009
Get the Mitch mug.When somebody only drinks half their drink and then just leaves it right where he drank it last and never comes back for it.
by champ of all champ February 11, 2010
Get the mitched mug.Another word for a 281er. Typically a boy who goes to camp and everything in his trunk is either Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister, or Ed Hardy. Preferrably Ed Hardy. This person gels his hair on a regular basis, even while attending camp. He rides horses wearing oversized basketball sneakers and when he lifts up his arms the disgusting scent of Ed Hardy deodorant flows out of his shirt. This person also claims himself to be a "pothead" although hes never touched weed in his life.
by me8576 October 20, 2009
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