Look! there’s the hotpocket!
by Handleuseke November 17, 2023
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A Hotpocket is a small, invasive species, closely resembling that of a bread-encrusted, cheese-filled delicacy.
I regret to inform the readers of this article that this is not the case. The Hotpocket is not a food, it is an alien species of which we know very little.
First I will start off by describing the anatomy of the Hotpocket. In one case, we dissected a specimen, and to our dismay, we found no headway in our research.
This is because the Hotpocket does not possess any of the internals we would expect. No digestive system, circulatory or otherwise.
Despite not having a reproductive system, they reproduce, despite not appearing to have reproductive organs. The offspring, as we would refer to them- Are pizza rolls.
Now, based on the fact that a Hotpocket doesn't possess a reproductive system, and in the well-known herds of twelve that they travel in, having spotted no difference between any of them, we have assumed that they are all one gender, and reproduce asexually.
It also appears that they have many offspring at once, supported by the fact that the Pizza Rolls outnumber Hotpockets by nearly tenfold. It is assumed that only a small number of Pizza Rolls survive to maturation.
They seem to thrive in only cold conditions, as if left out they go soft, a sure sign that it's died.
(Look for Part Two, couldn't fit all in character limit)
A Hotpocket is a small, invasive species, closely resembling that of a bread-encrusted, cheese-filled delicacy.
I regret to inform the readers of this article that this is not the case. The Hotpocket is not a food, it is an alien species of which we know very little.
First I will start off by describing the anatomy of the Hotpocket. In one case, we dissected a specimen, and to our dismay, we found no headway in our research.
This is because the Hotpocket does not possess any of the internals we would expect. No digestive system, circulatory or otherwise.
Despite not having a reproductive system, they reproduce, despite not appearing to have reproductive organs. The offspring, as we would refer to them- Are pizza rolls.
Now, based on the fact that a Hotpocket doesn't possess a reproductive system, and in the well-known herds of twelve that they travel in, having spotted no difference between any of them, we have assumed that they are all one gender, and reproduce asexually.
It also appears that they have many offspring at once, supported by the fact that the Pizza Rolls outnumber Hotpockets by nearly tenfold. It is assumed that only a small number of Pizza Rolls survive to maturation.
They seem to thrive in only cold conditions, as if left out they go soft, a sure sign that it's died.
(Look for Part Two, couldn't fit all in character limit)
- Above is an except from the Catalogue of Earth-Invasive Species (On the subject of Hotpockets), by an anonymous author
by Zombiman August 11, 2025
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A party only consisting of girls or women, or at lease overwhelmingly dominant in girls or women. The feminine version of sausagefest.
by MakeAmends March 2, 2009
Get the Hotpocket Party mug.when you bite into a hotpocket fresh out of the microwave and the cheese dribbles and scaulds your lip leaving a burn resembling herpes
Ryan: Dude!? is that herpes?????
Nathan: Nah bit into a Hotpocket and it burnt me.
Ryan: HA you have Hotpocket herpes!
Nathan: Nah bit into a Hotpocket and it burnt me.
Ryan: HA you have Hotpocket herpes!
by Emobubbles August 18, 2010
Get the Hotpocket Herpes mug.by Bamaboy February 3, 2014
Get the hotpocket pussy mug.Super powers used by a couple who love each other to thwart relationship ruiners but conjuring boiling lava hot hotpockets and squeezing them into peoples faces. Users may or may not wear matching "H" and "P" costumes.
by Juzz, AMR March 22, 2009
Get the Hotpocket powers mug.When you are nothing but a fat slob who sits at the computer all day long reading UD, while eating the WHOLE box of McCain's Hotpockets (side note: either my lazy ass couldn't find them at the store, or they stopped selling them. If thats the case; bring them back!!!!) to yourself and you have spiked the bottom of one of them with immense amounts of hot sauce and you know the minute you eat that one, you will explode and die due to you health. Lets face it, you do not exercise and you eat shit all day long. Your heart has now given up. Time to die
hey, did you hear about Andy? He got hit with a hotpocket timebomb. I knew that's what would get him
by obese dese nuts January 20, 2011
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