Kiss the Jesus 

Catholic Church code phrase used by Priests whilst in the confessional instructing the unwary confessee to "Kiss the Jesus." This is always accompanied by the sound of a zipper coming down in a rapid manner and a loud, "BOING-ing" sound as the erect penis of the Priest, at the sight of a ten year old boy, pops out of his Cassock.

Gerald, Ten Year Old Boy: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession."

Catholic Priest: "Say five Our Fathers and One Hail Mary and KISS THE JESUS."

<zip, BOING, followed by smooching noises>

Kiss the Jesus by T&E September 7, 2005

Well, Jesus' Step-Dad! 

Expression of suprise upon learning of an amazing piece of trivial knowledge.

Sex Ed: Hermaphrodites are people or animals that have the reproductive organs of both genders.

Redneck: Well, Jesus' Step-Dad!

Well, Jesus' Step-Dad! by Mo Fro Bro December 31, 2006

chocolate jesus 

Similar to the filthy Sanchez but with one major difference. After you've engaged in anal sex you don't just draw the mustache, you give them the full beard.

I gave your sister the chocolate Jesus last night.

Really, how'd she take it?

I don't remember cause after i left i got struck by lightning.

chocolate jesus by DjinnNTawnik June 26, 2007

Kinky Jesus

A sexual position where the woman goes up against the wall, with her arms out horizontally like Jesus. The man is in front of her with his hands clasped in hers, humping her very fast and sweaty.

Also, if you're into this sort of thing, it can be done with two guys but they both face the same direction.

My girlfriend was begging me to give her a kinky jesus.

Kinky Jesus by Alex and the Delawana crew October 2, 2007

The Jesus Bump 

Noun

1. Euphemism for awkward Christian sex.

2. Christian dry humping

3. Mormon anal sex

4. A dance move done by Christians in which they spread their arms out to the side to look like Jesus on the cross. Then with feet together hop to the beat of music with knees barely bending. Palms facing forward.

Verb

-ed, ing

The act of doing any of the above

Dude, that Mormon girl; she's totally down for the Jesus Bump.

Yea, man, she was so uptight. But she let me Jesus Bump that.

Man, that Baptist girl was a freak. We did the Jesus bump and soaking.

The Jesus Bump by Undercommons September 3, 2014

seeing Jesus in the toast 

to see a pattern of something that is not really there or not formed by your believed cause.

Alex is really seeing Jesus in the toast when he claims that the Illuminati are communicating through magazine covers.

seeing Jesus in the toast by Citation Puffin January 10, 2015

Aqua Jesus 

Aqua Jesus is the Mormon Jesus who has only water in his veins because their sacrament uses water instead of wine to represent his blood.

The Mormon missionary told me to "Let Aqua Jesus in to my life"

Aqua Jesus by jackmormonpriest June 5, 2016