Jewish Jesus

The Jesus that beats all other mother fucking jesus's

*Black Jesus = ok
*Christian Jesus = LOSER
*Jewish Jesus = Amazing!
*Asian Jesus = Buddha

Jewish Jesus by Devoteorthedoxgreekcatholic April 4, 2010

come to jesus 

Originally an emotional experience that is life changing, it has evolved to mean a serious argument, one that better result in a change of action or else.

My husband and I are going to have a "come to jesus" over this remodeling job.
or
I'm going to have a "come to jesus" with that kid about his drinking and partying.

come to jesus by Sak July 29, 2004

BLACK JESUS 

An exclamation used when blankets are pulled over the head and nothing is visible.

* pulls sheets over head, screams in a muffled voice*

"BLACK JESUS...!"

BLACK JESUS by BarelyAHuman May 24, 2015

The Blonde Jesus 

The name says it all.

-He turns water into purple or red drank.

-His beard is better than any you've ever seen
and that includes the beard of Chuck Norris.

-He has an amazing Ban Hammer of Thor.

-He is merciless.

The Blonde Jesus is the sex. Period.

The Blonde Jesus by Anonymous0fLegion September 16, 2010

oh lawd jesus 

Black women dialogue for; "Oh how interestingly spontaneous that this particular event occurred at this paradime."

Shaniquela: "Oh Mama Jackson, me and Jamar O'Ryan are having a baby."

Mama Jackson: "Oh lawd Jesus!"

oh lawd jesus by Le_Willis May 21, 2014

Kiss the Jesus 

Catholic Church code phrase used by Priests whilst in the confessional instructing the unwary confessee to "Kiss the Jesus." This is always accompanied by the sound of a zipper coming down in a rapid manner and a loud, "BOING-ing" sound as the erect penis of the Priest, at the sight of a ten year old boy, pops out of his Cassock.

Gerald, Ten Year Old Boy: "Forgive me Father for I have sinned. It has been one week since my last confession."

Catholic Priest: "Say five Our Fathers and One Hail Mary and KISS THE JESUS."

<zip, BOING, followed by smooching noises>

Kiss the Jesus by T&E September 7, 2005

Well, Jesus' Step-Dad! 

Expression of suprise upon learning of an amazing piece of trivial knowledge.

Sex Ed: Hermaphrodites are people or animals that have the reproductive organs of both genders.

Redneck: Well, Jesus' Step-Dad!

Well, Jesus' Step-Dad! by Mo Fro Bro December 31, 2006