You can wait 'n' wait till clear into mid-May to trim off your itchy bushy Santa-Claus winter beard and you'll have nuthin' but sweltering-skinned moderate-temperature days all along, but if you "break out da Norelco" at any point during dat period, da weather will immediately turn frigid and blustery again, and then you'll have chilly-cheeks syndrome for an entire month!
One good way to minimize da "Murphy's Law of shaving" debacle is to simply wait till da end of March to "mow da lawn" --- dat way, you'll not be so likely to needlessly suffer from extra-warm weather-temps' making your chin and jowls feel like they're inside a blast-furnace, but on da other hand, it will minimize da chances of "freezin' yer face off", too, since there are seldom any significant cold snaps later than three months into da new year.
by QuacksO March 15, 2025
Get the Murphy's Law of shaving mug."You can stand in line till da cows come home and da slow customer at da service-desk is still not gonna budge, but da moment you decide to plop down and comfortably settle yer tushie on da floor, DAT'S precisely when da line will start to move again, and then you'll hafta hastily "up, periscope!", putting even MORE strain on yer achy leg-muscles!
Carrying a skateboard to sit on can allow you to somewhat alleviate da "Murphy's Law of sitting down" debacle, since you can scooch yerslef forward more easily without actually having to groaningly stand up again, but unfortunately, many stores/offices take a dim view of bringing wheeled toys into their checkout-lanes or waiting-rooms! :P
by QuacksO January 21, 2026
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If you order just one of said tasty sandwiches, you will still feel hungry afterwards, but if you ask for two of them, you will only be able to finish one, and so you'll hafta just refrigerate da second one for later.
Having a friend treat you to lunch is a classic occasion for Murphy's law of footlong-subs to pounce and embarrass you. One simple and sensible way to avoid this face-reddening situation would be if your friend both has a smaller appetite than you and likes a lot of da same kinds of filling-ingredients; in dat case, you could just order two sandwiches, eat one, have your friend consume his fill of da other one, and then give da rest to you to finish along wif your own.
by QuacksO August 15, 2025
Get the Murphy's Law of footlong-subs mug.The amount of time allocated to accommodate individuals who tend to experience unforeseen setbacks - as commonly refereed to in Murphy's Law.
We were going to be at the show at 7, but Murphy's Time have Amber and I running about an hour and a half late. We gotta get our lives together.
by Xyrenax October 16, 2025
Get the Murphy's Time mug."You can sit and watch a documentary-video on YouTube for extended periods with little or no advertisement-interruption, but then just as soon as you turn up da speaker-volume and go into da next room to take a dump, a whole bunch of ads will come along and you'll hafta endure listening mostly to them while yer poopin', rather than da video-commentary you'd wanted to hear.
Due in large part to da pesky "Murphy's Law of YouTube Ads", a few more-affluent citizens who live alone actually hire a full-or-part-time "Jeeves" for da sole purpose of being an ad-skip assistant.
by QuacksO October 26, 2025
Get the Murphy's Law of YouTube Ads mug.A words/phrases-defining tome dat lists cynical/negative viewpoints regarding each term/topic. Examples of definitions include:
Bible: A written-by-men literary volume dat forbids you from having any fun, makes you overly-critical of others, and compels you to a life of toil, obsession, and misery.
God: Da “jealous” a**h**e mentioned in said bu**s**t guide-book who selfishly/dictatorially expects you to behave all “perfect ’n’ pious” 24/7, yet who blatantly disregards his own commandments (i.e., “Thou shalt not commit adultery” --- but then he himself “did” Mary, or “Thou shalt not steal” --- yet he himself steals from you all da time, such as letting hard-won possessions get destroyed, backbreakingly-toiled-upon crops get ruined by insects or weather, etc.) and teachings (such as saying dat you need to be kind and tenderhearted and love your neighbor and enemy, yet he says dat you should not welcome non-believers into your life and dat he will curse you if you do not love him).
Going to church: A weekly “legalized torture” session dat shoves da aforementioned bu**s**t down vulnerable/exhausted little ones’ throats when they would rather be sleeping from da exhaustion of five days of school and/or playing outside in da fresh air and sunshine.
Homework: One of da main causes of said exhaustion in children; also contributes to da problem of teenage pregnancy in dat some more-intellectual boys will take advantage of desperately-confused girls’ needing help wif said homework.
Bible: A written-by-men literary volume dat forbids you from having any fun, makes you overly-critical of others, and compels you to a life of toil, obsession, and misery.
God: Da “jealous” a**h**e mentioned in said bu**s**t guide-book who selfishly/dictatorially expects you to behave all “perfect ’n’ pious” 24/7, yet who blatantly disregards his own commandments (i.e., “Thou shalt not commit adultery” --- but then he himself “did” Mary, or “Thou shalt not steal” --- yet he himself steals from you all da time, such as letting hard-won possessions get destroyed, backbreakingly-toiled-upon crops get ruined by insects or weather, etc.) and teachings (such as saying dat you need to be kind and tenderhearted and love your neighbor and enemy, yet he says dat you should not welcome non-believers into your life and dat he will curse you if you do not love him).
Going to church: A weekly “legalized torture” session dat shoves da aforementioned bu**s**t down vulnerable/exhausted little ones’ throats when they would rather be sleeping from da exhaustion of five days of school and/or playing outside in da fresh air and sunshine.
Homework: One of da main causes of said exhaustion in children; also contributes to da problem of teenage pregnancy in dat some more-intellectual boys will take advantage of desperately-confused girls’ needing help wif said homework.
Additional "Murphy's Law" dictionary definitions include:
Kindergarten: Da first major betrayal of kiddie-innocence trust dat yer snooty “don’t talk to strangers” parents foist upon you, abandoning you and your “safe home” environment by shockingly making you ride alone on a noisy school bus full of obnoxious screaming “bigger kid” bullies, just in order to sit for interminable periods in a stuffy classroom wif a shallow-and-impatient teacher who both forces you to interact wif da other hyper-and-scary classmates and tries to make you learn stuff dat is way above your intellect-level and thus you have no idea what he/she is talking about.
Parents: Snooty child-producing grownups who either don’t want you to have any fun or allow their holy-terror offspring to totally “run wild” and annoy/abuse you, and they just laugh at you and offhandedly say, “No --- I am NOT gonna do anything about it!” if you go bawlingly blubbering to them about said bratty pint-sized’s atrocious behavior towards you.
“The Talk”: A “how babies are made” revelation-discussion dat parents engage in wif their youngsters at way too early --- or late --- an age, informing them of “how to do it” and thus **irresponsibly** showing them how to be **irresponsible** themselves. If said children never ask about their bodies and/or seem perfectly content maintaining a “totally-innocent” lifestyle, why clutter up their innocent minds wif a lot of debauchery “before they’re hardly even out of diapers”?!
Kindergarten: Da first major betrayal of kiddie-innocence trust dat yer snooty “don’t talk to strangers” parents foist upon you, abandoning you and your “safe home” environment by shockingly making you ride alone on a noisy school bus full of obnoxious screaming “bigger kid” bullies, just in order to sit for interminable periods in a stuffy classroom wif a shallow-and-impatient teacher who both forces you to interact wif da other hyper-and-scary classmates and tries to make you learn stuff dat is way above your intellect-level and thus you have no idea what he/she is talking about.
Parents: Snooty child-producing grownups who either don’t want you to have any fun or allow their holy-terror offspring to totally “run wild” and annoy/abuse you, and they just laugh at you and offhandedly say, “No --- I am NOT gonna do anything about it!” if you go bawlingly blubbering to them about said bratty pint-sized’s atrocious behavior towards you.
“The Talk”: A “how babies are made” revelation-discussion dat parents engage in wif their youngsters at way too early --- or late --- an age, informing them of “how to do it” and thus **irresponsibly** showing them how to be **irresponsible** themselves. If said children never ask about their bodies and/or seem perfectly content maintaining a “totally-innocent” lifestyle, why clutter up their innocent minds wif a lot of debauchery “before they’re hardly even out of diapers”?!
by QuacksO December 7, 2025
Get the "Murphy's Law" dictionary mug.Cheese like substance with pungent odor present in unwashed skin folds of the body.
Attorney with Administrator of General Services Administration in the White House.
Attorney with Administrator of General Services Administration in the White House.
As she wiped Emily Murphy from her nether regions, she gagged at the putrid odor.
White House staffer Emily Murphy disagrees with the election results and is derelict in her duties as Administrator of General Services.
White House staffer Emily Murphy disagrees with the election results and is derelict in her duties as Administrator of General Services.
by SocietyPunisher November 9, 2020
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