long haired Jesus

simply, a man with long hair, usually down to the shoulders. Jesus has long hair.

Yesterday a man with a crewcut called me a long haired Jesus.

by I Saw U2 Live Twice November 9, 2008

Jesus Fucking Christ on the Cross

Perhaps the most offensive, non-racial phrase. It can be used as an exclamation when one is under stress. The phrase is synonymous with "Jesus Christ."

Jesus fucking Christ on the cross, I forgot to take the trash out last night!

by lemonlime69 November 6, 2014

Beer Jesus

Partner drinking game strategy of consuming your partner's beer to ensure they stay less drunk and more effective. Instead of taking their sins, you take their alcohol for the greater good.

Don't worry Mark, I'll be your Beer Jesus. America!

by Kjellmaster 9000 April 12, 2011

jesus walks

A term used to signify that something has gone well, often in a case where a lucky turn of events has gone in your favour.

Person 1: "Shit, I got in to a car accident today, but the person I hit was a hot chick and I ended up railing her"
Person 2: "Holy shit, Jesus walks"

by Teeth September 10, 2004

jesus week

A length of time equaling 12 days.

It's a long trip. We'll be back in a jesus week. See you next month.

by ChuckChaser69 December 20, 2009

Jesus Rape

When a fundamental Christian attempts to push their religious beliefs on you even after you said "NO!"

The defination jesus rape explains itself.

by redneckatheist.com March 24, 2006

pet jesus

A pet about 40 cm's tall. It waddles around like a penguin and sucks in its checks. It cannot talk. You hold it on a leach and it occasionally tugs on your skirt but only because it wants attention. They look like a miniature versions of Jesus, hence the reason for the name.. They cannot blink but have huge eyes and very small pupils. Pet Jesus's wear a typical Jesus style garment and only eat crackers...lots and lots of crackers..... They do not drink anything.

A pet jesus makes an adorable pet yet they are commonly found at the pound as their owners get tired of them because they are a constant nuisance. They are also incredibly creepy, for example they do not sleep. When you go to bed it will stand right next to your bed and stare at you for the duration of the night and most people find this incredibly violating and terrifying...

John: Hey bob, i see you have brought along your pet jesus

Bob: Yup, got any crackers?

John: Sure Thaaaang!

by Petjesus November 16, 2010