raped by jesus

when jesus comes down with spider people and rapes your grandma in the ass true fact if you commit too satan prepare the aking

i felt jesus in my ass i think i was raped by jesus

by dic kin ya momma bith April 20, 2017

oh baby jesus

A word coined by the famous Ricky Bobby now used as a synonym for phrases like "Oh shit," Oh no," and my personal favorite, "Well fuck me"

Someone: I forgot my phone and my keys and my underwear.
Me: Oh baby jesus that sucks cow balls.

by THESEAREREALWORDS December 14, 2017

Because I'm Jesus

How Jesus sasses the Pharisees or makes them stfu

Pharisees: "Can you stop claiming to be God!"
Jesus: "No, I am God because I'm Jesus"
Pharisees: "We hate this guy so much"

by ImHell666 May 30, 2018

Comin of Jesus

When you’re in trouble with your boss and having a coaching session with them.

Terry was always late for work so the boss gave him a Comin of Jesus meeting

by Dnurse15 July 10, 2021

hickory jesus

A wooden baton used to beat a protester to a near death experience

I showed that protestor some hickory Jesus

by double d 5129 December 6, 2013

dating Jesus

1. A Christian who's not dating because they are waiting for God to reveal their spouse. Made popular by the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" by Joshua Harris
2. A Christian who's not dating for one of the following reasons; intensely in love with God, fear relationships, fear intimacy, dating is just to much work, socially awkward, etc.

Don't bother asking her out, she's "dating Jesus".

by linuxgrl January 12, 2009

y'all bitches need jesus

Thy Lord is testing me; You're retarded; Stupid, ratchet; Get religious help

Bernice: Put down the Starbucks or you'll be sorry!
Basic White Girl: (drinks Starbucks and sticks tongue out at Bernice)
Bernice: (walks away, and comes back with chancla)
Basic White Girl: What are you gonna do with tha-
Bernice: (smacks Basic White Girl with chancla repeatedly)
Basic White Girl: Aaaahhhh! (drops Starbucks)
Random stripper walking by: Y'all bitches need Jesus!

by Frocoochie Q. Lottaweave June 6, 2014