Steering Wheel Moustache

Facial hair that has been strategically groomed into a circumpheral shape, circling around the mouth, nose or in extreme cases, entire face in an infinite loop of moustache-into-beard..., like that of a steering wheel. The choice to sport this grooming style signifys a staggering transcendence in ones character (and sex appeal, obviously), far superior to other "bad boy" styles such as the "soul patch" or "sideburns" and astronomically COOLER than the more popularized "handlebar moustache". It's a signal to the ladies that boldly pronounces fearlessness, newfound dignity, unrivaled masculinity, and parallel- parkability while clearly indicating an incredible sense of humor and unique physical attraction.

Hot chick #1: have you noticed there's something different about Jawn? I'd catch a ride on that Steering Wheel Moustache!
Hot chick #2: it's that loop of sharply trimmed facial hair that he's sporting now. I'd give ass, grass, AND gas to take a ride on that 'stache!
Hot chick #3: Don'tcha know? The Steering Wheel Moustache is THE KEY to a sensational sex-life, and widespread... respect.

SW Moustache Man: {vrooooom!} 🛻💨

Steering Wheel Moustache by Minnette F. Greenwich June 4, 2026

Big Ed Moustapha

Big Ed Moustapha is the benchmark for greatness. See story:
Poody R. Glucks thought his ship had finally come in. He’d been chosen as a contestant on Let’s Make A Deal and was also fortunate enough to be selected as the finalist to select winnings from behind one of three curtains. His choice was curtain number two. To his delight, winnings behind curtain number one turned out to be a set of used tires and an empty beer bottle. The audience gasped as the contents of curtain number two were revealed. Poody couldn’t believe his luck! His prizes included 100 billion dollars cash, a 200 ft. yacht anchored off the French Riviera behind his new 20 million dollar villa. Not to be ignored were a new 2009 Ferrari F70, 3 mansions in Beverly Hills, New Hampton, and West Palm Beach, his own personal Leer Jet, free passes to the finest restaurants in the world, free lifetime wardrobes from the finest tailor’s money can buy, to name but few of his new possessions, all tax free. Poody’s greatest feelings of elation were about to change drastically however with the unveiling of the prize behind curtain number three.

For waiting behind door number three was probably the greatest gift ever available to mankind. That prize, was being granted the privilege of being allowed to smell the butt of The Big Ed Moustapha for an entire two minutes!!! You could hear the audience moan for miles! Poody’s heart sank. His feelings of sorrow and despair soon changed to anger and desperation. Eventually Poody had to be restrained and was forcibly removed from the studio. As he was being carried out, Poody was heard to be crying out: ‘I meant to say door number three!!’ ‘I meant to say door number three!!’.

Big Ed Moustapha by Big Ed Moustapha April 19, 2010

molasses mustache 

A mustache that's dripping wet With feces and seamen like a dirty Sanchez but without the pubes

After a long night at the rest stop bob had a molasses mustache from all the rides he'd been giving

molasses mustache by blumpkin25 February 8, 2015

mustache dip my dream sickle 

A polite way for a female partner to ask for cunnilingus.

Hey Big Rod, do you want to mustache dip my dream sickle? It sure is tasty!

mustache dip my dream sickle by show up cat November 19, 2014

mustache cash stash 

The best band name ever

Dude we should call our band mustache cash stash

mustache cash stash by Louiloui September 17, 2013

Mustache Fairy 

The Mustache Fairy leaves evidence of what the mustache bearer did the night before while drunk, within his or her mustache.

Mustached man: "I have no idea what I did last night, but apparently I drank a lot of beer."

Concerned friend: "I think you banged a chicken; the Mustache Fairy left a feather in your mustache."

Mustached man: "Yeah, and it stinks like beer and hot wings."

Mustache Fairy by iBetty February 4, 2012

Moustachery 

Noun. 1. Activities or shenanigans most commonly associated with people adorning any number of face ornaments (moustaches) and usually associated with alcohol and/or a lack of pants. 2. A local establishment or residence where clientele are known for sporting mustaches and speaking of ridiculous sexual escapades that may or may not be true.

1. I've had enough of this moustachery, put your pants back on! 2. We decided to retreat to Charles's moustachery, so that Richard could elaborate on his most recent sexual exploits in the Philippines.

Moustachery by theironpig January 12, 2010