Art Boner- the product of emotional stimuli influencing physical change.
The Art Boner Enthusiast (commonly referred to as “ABE”) gets gratuitous amounts of pleasure in the works of the Avant Garde; This can be any number of things ranging from abstract electronica,
pretentious works of art, and
even spoken word
poetry. Recipients of this phenomenon are commonly
male and are usually deep thinkers, artists, and have accelerated IQ’s (although no formal studies have been conducted).
So now that we know what an “Art Boner” is, how do we go about finding someone who is capable of such a darn
thing !?!
Be on the Lookout for….
1. Scarf’s- Regardless of season or temperature the scarf is a common accessory for the modern day “ABE”
2. Caffeine-
True Artistes are statistically shown to drink 200% more caffeinated beverages than the
average philistine, be on the look out for potential candidates sporting ceramic
coffee cups into the wee small hours
3. Thick Frame Glasses- Weirdo’s have poor vision; they also find great influence in the music styling’s of Elvis Costello
4. Pop Art- If you are fortunate enough to step into the dwelling of someone you feel has classic symptoms of “ABE” one must judge the surroundings to gather clues. If there is a print of Andy Warhol’s
famous “Campbell’s Soup Can” tacked to the ceiling and a box of tissue appropriately placed nearby, chances are you have found an “ABE”.
Kris: "Did you hear the
orgasmic moans coming from Tevin's room last
night?"
Tyler: "Yes, I think the Stanley Kubrick movie marathon was on"
Kris: "Nothing gets Tevin's Art Boner going quite like 2001: A Space Odyssey"
