Soccer Mom

A white middle-to-upper-middle class woman, generally aged 30-55. Has the requisite 2.3 kids. Usually the product of a loveless childhood and an equally loveless marriage as the trophy wife of an up-and-coming executive or professional. Motto is "my kids are my life". Refers to her kids as "my Precious Little Angels" (PLAs) or "God's Gifts to Me" (GGTMs), and believes the entire world exists just for the benefit of her PLAs. Terrified that child molesters are lurking behind every bush, and that gays are determined to "recruit" her PLAs. Obsessed with whatever is the latest "danger to kids" being promoted that week on Oprah or Dr. Phil or the latest Parenting Magazine. The Soccer Mom is constantly badgering school officials and politicians, promoting the latest "nanny law/regulation" to protect the GGTMs. Usually fundie or conserviative Christian with a cult-like obsession, and makes sure her PLAs participate in choir and church soccer camps (hence the term: "Soccer Mom"). Extremely controlling of the social life of the GGTMs, repressing all independent thought, and all signs of non-conformity. The GGTMs teen years are marked by Ritalin and trips to high priced child psychologists. The PLA daughter often grows up to be an XXX rated porn star, while the PLA son becomes a transvestite drummer in a punk rock band.

The Soccer Mom has been the artistic inspiraton for outstanding movies such as "Diary of a Mad Housewife" and "The Betty Broderick Story". Also classic songs such as "Harper Valley PTA".

by frantic1971 March 25, 2010

Soccer mom

Stupid,arogant whiny bitches like the person who wrote definition #87 who think they're brave because they can sware on teh web (If anyone corrects me 'cause they're stupid enough cunts to think that was supposed to read 'the web', I'll shoot them), even though they can't spell the word 'curse'.

Joe: Really? Some dumbass soccer mom missspelled 'curse'?
Bob: Yeah, dude.
Joe:TWICE?
Bob: YEAH
Joe: AH HA HA! WHAT A STUPID CUNT

by Wouldn't you like to know?. December 1, 2007

soccer mom

Derogatory and insulting term for a female yuppie.

She drives a minivan or an SUV. While she drives, she watches movies on the DVD player. She holds a Starbucks Coffee and babbles on the cell phone while driving.

She has an attitude of entitlement, and is even more pushy than a New Yawwk Jew. She names her daughter Cassidy, Madison, Taylor, Bergman, or Sasquatch. She always votes for Hillary Clinton because she is wealthy enough to shield her income from taxes. If her name is Karen or Judy, she changes it to Taylor or some other masculine name.

Jackson is a soccer mom. Stay out of her way when she drives, and hang on to your wallet when she votes.

by Delicious Tuna Wanda October 9, 2007

Soccerboy

A beautiful, hot, cute, and sexy soccer player. Only a few select males may be called by this term; perhaps only limited to one person. He also demonstrates academic achievement, kindness, humor, and has a romantic side.

Amy is Soccerboy's number one fan and greatly adores him.

by Soccerboy's lover February 17, 2009

Soccer Mom

Retarded bitches who would protect their children from Video Games, Movies, Anime, Internet and just anything that contains the words hell or damn (I know these aren't swear words of course). They would yell at anybody who mentions anything about them. Even at a librarian who just lets someone know that none of that content is available (I'm glad I don't have such a overprotective mother).

Me: Excuse me but is there any manga here?

Librarian: Sorry. This library does not carry manga or anim...

Soccer Mom passing by: HEY! YOU DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT STUFF AROUND MY KIDS!!!! OR I'M...

Librarian: SHHHHHH!!!!

Soccer Mom: *Who was dumb enough to think that the librarian was going to say the word "shit"* DON'T YOU SAY THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE!

Me: *takes soccer mom outside, 50 feet away from the library and casts Blazemost (a Dragon Warrior spell)* Silence is golden bitch!

by StraightFMan February 14, 2005

pill-popping soccer mom

A mother who is usually addicted to strong opiates or methamphetamines she can get legally or illegally. Often soccer moms take the edge off the meds high with booze or cheap domestic beer. Being a mom, most likely with an oblivious husband with a well-paying job, she's usually in possession of a solid grocery-getter/multi-passenger car most likely a white mini-van(the preferred vehicle of a PPSM) so she is able to get several kids to soccer practice after school while she's hopped up on meds.

"A pill-popping soccer mom purchased a set of new tires then proceeded to crash into the tire store trying to test out the new tires doing some high speed donuts in the parking lot. What a fucking stupid bitch! She must be a pill-popping soccer mom!"

"Mom heckled the refs again at our soccer match today. My English teacher yelled at her,"Go home you drunken, pill-popping soccer mom...get help!"

"The meth addict was once #1 in population only to be usurped by the pill-popping soccer mom."

by Dr. Nordoslavic December 8, 2012

soccer injury

To fake an injury, in the acting style of old silent films, much as some World Cup players have in 2010.

Quit rolling around like a bitch, I didn't even hit you. Damn soccer injury.

by Rap4 July 6, 2010