jesus pinch 

The part of a new can of dip that is already empty after being packed. It is said that this is the pinch Jesus took out for himself before you.

"Damn! The Jesus pinch is huge out of this Copenhagen can!"

jesus pinch by TheManCam July 12, 2017

Jesus Nuke 

It's like a regular nuke, except it eradicates all sin within a 100 lightyear radius. It also destroys cringeworthy things like furry smut, cancer fandoms, etc. Also, when it explodes, Jesus comes out of the mushroom cloud.

Girl 1: Hey, have you heard of K-Pop?
Girl 2: OMG YASSS I LOVE K-POP!!!!!
Guy: DROP THE JESUS NUKE!
*Explosion punctuated with angelic choir music*

Jesus Nuke by guymanchester August 13, 2017

jesus take me to the playoffs 

When you can’t make the playoffs in madden so you ask Jesus to take you to the playofffs after Jesus floats magesticly down naked and says “if you want to be taken to the play offs the play offs gotta be taken to you” and then you say ok Jesus do what you gotta do and then he says “ good cause I’m gonna FUCK YOU LIKE I FUCKED THAT PIG” *looks at pig * “oh my god it’s in half was it like that when you fucked it” Jesus says “no” then you ask “how long is it” then Jesus responds in a soft soothing voice “ longer than the pig”

I screamed jesus take me to the playoffs and then Jesus floated down and fucked me with a cock longer than a pig

jesus take me to the playoffs by Long john slider October 17, 2017

jesus groupies 

religious, but too religious. meet at hipster coffee shops and talk about israel and jesus over coffee.

i saw jesus groupies talking about jesus with every word being jesus.

jesus groupies by ahfdsafjiow October 23, 2017

Jesus Hands 

A taunt used with your arms spread open and slightly halfway raised, as though being crucified, while approaching someone.

"This mfker's coming up hard with them Jesus hands.."
" I came at em with my Jesus hands."

Jesus Hands by SplishSplashOnMyRash November 29, 2017

Jesus Style 

To offer fine or expensive alcohol to drink at a party after people are already drunk. Origin: When Jesus allegedly turned water into wine it was said to be good quality.

I thought I had another box of wine but I just have the good stuff. I guess we're drinking Jesus Style now!

Jesus Style by Mushnik December 19, 2017

jesus jerk off 

After finishing nonutnovember and glancing at the picture of Jesus being crucified you immediately cream your jimmies. Such an event happens ounce every blue moon and is usually followed by an isis beheading.

Damn bro I had a jesus jerk off last night I was cleaning it up for hours.

jesus jerk off by Overitus_Manhadalitus February 5, 2018