church of scientology 

A corporation masquerading as a religion and only succeeding as a cult; a major bringer of lulz unless they're killing off members of their congregation or disconnecting families. Lovers of free speech unless the free speech is being used against them, in which case they will stalk you and sue your ass faster than a fat kid pissed at McDonalds. Run by a midget who is BFF with Tom Cruise. Exists to give members of Chanology something to do other than sit around and fap all day. Their religion runs towards asking for moar monies and making fields of wildflowers for Tom Cruise to run through.

Also, they hate the gays.

The Church of Scientology defines scientology as "the study of truth." The rest of the world defines them as masters of the footbullet.

church of scientology by PQ David May 22, 2008

church tongue 

A french kiss that is appropriatte for use in a wedding in church

Julia: Not porno tongue. Church tongue.
Robbie: laughing Church tongue, I like that.

church tongue by S. Segal January 15, 2008

church key 

A beer can opener. Unfortunately, use of this instrument has declined since the pop top appeared in the mid 1960s.

Lolly and Harriet are bringing the beer. Don't forget to bring a church key.

church key by Tuna Wanda May 22, 2005

Church of Cannabinology 

This is a church in which the belief system revolves around the practical and sometimes impractical use of cannabis sativa and indica. Much like the church of scientology, there is the use of stress tests at kiosks in malls, (they actually escort you outside to their 1974 Ford conversion van with the wolf howling at the moon paint job, and the stress test is just you hitting a vaporizer,) there are massive amounts of cash rolling into the church, and the church was founded by an egotistical writer by the name of B. Sam Verbeck. The differences lie in that the church of cannabinology is not anti-homosexual, it is not a cult, it's basically just a front for copious amounts of weed being dealt to the public with a tax free status. If you are to join the Church of Cannabinology, you'll see that many of life's problems go away when you get blazed and played Super Mario Allstars all day long.

Stoned dude: Oh my ganj! You gotta check out the stress test that the guys from the Church of Cannabinology are giving out!

Not stoned dude: You mean Scientology?

Stoned dude: No man, Cannabinology! Check out the kiosk, they blaze you out with a volcano vaporizer and some real heady nugs!

Not stoned dude: Cannabis H. Sativa! I'm there bro!

Church of Cannabinology by Ben Verbeck May 7, 2009

church change 

When you have loose change in your pocket/wallet/purse which you want to get rid of.

I gave my Church Change to that pizza delivery guy cause I hate carrying it around

church change by MONEYPOWERWOMEN September 13, 2006

Church of Dog

In a godless and cruel world, the Church of Dog rises from the ashes and brings hope and prosperity to all of the land and its residents. Church of Dog is a "religion" that bests all others (take that Jesus!) because they worship the holiest of beings; DOGGOS!

The philosophy of the Church of Dog is “efo eta douuug” -- “Ine eta douuug”

All those who are not a member and a faithful believer in the Church of Dog and its holy leaders will perish in a land of eternal suffering with no good bois. Douuugs will rule these lands and trample any non-believers! PRAISE THE DOUUUGOS! WE DECLARE WAR ON ANY BEING THAT DISAGREES WITH OUR FAITHS AND WE WILL BITE YOUR ANKLES! (If you're allergic to doggos theres simply no explanation other than that you were a mistake).

Church of Dog by Church of Dog November 14, 2018

church pew

The WORST place to try and ease out a silient fart.It never works. The solid wood structure and conture of the pew acts like a piano sounding board,amplifying even the slightest whisper fart.

Always sit with a clenched butt on a church pew.

church pew by wolfbait51 May 6, 2011