jesus suffering fuck 

The most awesomely hardcore blasphemous thing you can say. Try to reserve this amazing phrase to times which require a little extra. Like when the earth explodes, or you wake up to find a 50ft high dildo standing over your girlfriend’s corpse quietly singing god save the queen.

Boss: You're fired. Oh and I fucked your wife and she died.
Miguel: Eh.
Boss: Wtf.
Miguel: My job and wife were boring me. Time to purge myself and move on.
Miguel (walking out yells over shoulder): Hey! By the way, that wasnt my wife. I put your wife in disguise.
Boss: JESUS SUFFERING FUCK!

jesus suffering fuck by Grant Hayes May 6, 2005

Jesus Christ 

Interjection best used when in pain, surprise, or discontent. See also shit,holy shit.

Jesus Christ: I am your lord and savior. I have returned.
Person: Jesus Christ!

Jesus Christ by Jesus Himself June 29, 2006

Jesus Patrol 

A group of government agents who are in search for Jesus, with the aid of the sex detector gun.

The Jesus Patrol has yet to find the Jesus.

Jesus Patrol by Murderous Joe December 11, 2003

Jesus Freak 

Off-set of Christianity which brings shame to real Christians. The emos of religion if you will.
Crazy people who take the already fucked up laws of Christinaity to the extreme. They like Hell Houses,throwing holy water all over the place and George Bush. Oh,and Mel Gibson.
Jesus Freaks fear/loathe two thing: Slayer and Bill Hicks.

The Jesus Freak took her nine year old to see The Passion Of The Christ,then later that day she went to a rally to get Brokeback Mountain banned from cinemas.

Me: "Hey,why did Jesus walk on water?"
JesusFreak: "Well-"
Me:"Everyone knows, SHIT FLOATS!"
Me ~runs like hell~

Jesus Freak by bandanasarerad October 13, 2006

Jesus Blistering Fist Fuck 

1. Expression used when experiencing something incomprehensibly awesome or utterly disgusting.
2. Insinuating extreme bodily harm.
3. Used randomly when having nothing else to say.

1
John : OMG! I just won 50 kilos of cocaine ...
John : ... and beat your brother to a pulp with a hockey stick.
Bob : jesus blistering fist fuck!

2
John : Say, have you ever had a Jesus, Blistering, Fist Fuck?

3
John : This track is awesome!
Bob : Yeah, jesus blistering fist fuck it's cool!

Jesus Blistering Fist Fuck by prosci8 September 7, 2009

Jesus Tapdancing Christ 

An exclamation showing extreme surprise, anger, frusteration, or pain. Because it is mildly blasphemous, it should be used only under the most extreme of negative situations.

I think my left not just got run over by a car...JESUS TAPDANCING CHRIST!

Jesus Tapdancing Christ by Crazy Dick July 4, 2003

Jesus loves me

1. A phrase used mostly by Christians, but also by anyone else when they realize everyone hates them as a desperate attempt to instill some feeling of self-worth. This works wonders on low self-esteem, by reminding yourself that even though everyone else wants to strangle you, your imaginary friend Jesus will love you no matter what.

2. The title of a song, created for the same purpose but has a catchy tune.

1. Dude: Everyone hates you.
Loser: Well...Jesus still loves me!

2. Through out the neighborhood, the words rang strong and clear: "Jesus loooves me this I knoooow, for the Bible tells me soooo. Little ones to him belong, they are weak but he is strong! Yessss Jesus loves meeeee, Yessss Jesus loves meeee...."
And everyone knew, that Sam had been dumped yet again.

Jesus loves me by What's it to you? July 22, 2006