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jesus retard 

A person raised by bible thumping religious fanatics who is incapable of creating a complete sentence without using the words "jesus", "god", "sinner", "salvation," or "amen."

An unbalanced individual who speaks of jesus in such an intimate manner that it becomes uncomfortable to the point you want to vomit then they show you thier jesus tattoo.

A coworker who feels he is ordained by god to leave religious material in the bathrooms, lunchroom, the bulletin boards and your desk.

The cute girl at work that you at one time you briefly considered joining her church in hopes of banging her but decided it would be too wierd to hear her screaming for jesus while you do her. Whose desk looks like an altar and ends every sentence with the phrase "jesus loves you!"

The creepy neighbor who waits for you too come home every day so they can tell you they spent the day praying for your salvation and that your girlfriend is a wanton slut who sleeps in satan's bed.
Office worker 1: "Who put all the religious crap all over the bathroom?"
Office worker 2: "That's Justin's doing, the creepy guy from the mail room with the jesus tattoo."
Office worker 1: "I should kick his ass!"
Office worker 2: "It would not do any good, he would just ask god to forgive you, he's a jesus retard."
jesus retard by jsd9632 October 20, 2012

Jesus Swag 

Not only clothing yourself in textiles that represent your faith, but clothing yourself in righteousness; walking in the footpaths of Jesus Christ on a daily basis.
Jesus Swag by The Great I Am November 16, 2011

jesus blunt 

a jesus blunt is two blunts that are conected in the middle so they look like a cross. When you smoke it you light three of the ends and puff on the fouth.
that jesus blunt got me fucked up with one hit!
jesus blunt by superfrank December 15, 2008

Jesus Hug 

noun; a hug that is loving in feeling, but non-sexual
Joanne looked so forlorn that Bobby came over and gave her a Jesus hug.
Jesus Hug by wordlady May 6, 2006

Jesus, Mary and Joseph on a pogo stick!

The irreverent, blasphemous, Catholic-blasting exclamatory phrase used when a stupid and funny event occurs.
Lars was so drunk that he left his house in his tidy-whiteys without his pants, went to the corner store, and brought back a six-pack.

You: What an idiot! Jesus, Mary and Joseph on a pogo stick!

jesus hands 

When playing four-mallets on the marimba or vibraphone and the ends of the mallets cause blistering at the center of the hands. This causes the hands to resemble jesus' hands when they were nailed.
Hey, Jackie what's goin' on with your technique. You're getting Jesus Hands.
jesus hands by JeffR November 29, 2007

jesus fucking kennedy

An expletive phrase linking and interfusing two individuals bound to the American psyche by their early deaths and cults of personality. The intermingling of the names punctuating a moment of intense frustration or hopelessness.
Jesus fucking Kennedy, is this traffic going to move or should we start building condos here!