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Flaming Clarinet

A sexual act that occurs when person A shits into a clarinet, lights it on fire, and forcible inserts it into the anus or vagina of person B. This is not a sexual act for the faint of heart.
Becky: Ohhhhh, baby, give me that flaming clarinet!
Ryan: I don't know, I just pooped. I don't think I can squeeze one out right now.
Becky: It's fine. I just ate Taco Bell; the poop is flowing like the Rio Grande!
by Cockdriller August 11, 2010
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learned the clarinet at school

Slang for 'able to give a fucking fantastic blowjob'.
"Let's just say she learned the clarinet at school," John replied, as his mates crowed loudly and patted him on the back.
by Ferretsoup November 7, 2012
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Man Clarinet

The Bass Clarinet and anything lower (and, arguably, the Alto Clarinet as well).

Like the clarinet, only manlier. This is due to its increased size, deep tone, and being roughly shaped like a battleaxe.

Tonally similar the soprano (standard) clarinet, but better. Looks like a saxophone but is not, as any bass (man) clarinetist will tell you.

As the name implies, mostly (but not exclusively) played by men. Men generally play the man clarinet because it is infinitely superior to the soprano clarinet and the normal clarinet section is typically filled with women.
I played the clarinet in middle school but I now play the man clarinet.

The man clarinets sit with the bassoons and typically get shitty parts. This is a travesty.

The man clarinetists laughed at the boys who played regular clarinets.
by superbran December 27, 2010
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Satan's Clarinet

A penis, schlong, dick, cock, skin flute, flesh stick, weiner, etc.
Guy 1: Mmmmm... that band chick is kold brahh. She looks so hot playin that piccolo.

Guy 2: Tru, but she cain't handle Satan's Clarinet nigga.
by c-rain-yurr March 28, 2011
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flesh clarinet

a penis, a phallus, a meat whistle, one's crank
she played my flesh clarinet last night while we were watching TV.
by Double D November 28, 2003
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Rusty Clarinet

The act of eating out a nasty girl's asshole while simultaneously digging through her vast expanse of pubis trying to find her pleasure pearl. Very similar to the rusty trumpet only the giver of the anal pleasures needs two hands to manipulate the forest resembling the playing of a clarinet.
Emily's pubes were so dense that while I was licking her balloon knot I couldn't find her clit. Therefore it appeared that I was playing a rusty clarinet.
by Jack Meoff IV December 18, 2006
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