A cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father that can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master so that he can remove an evil force in your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Easter: Happy Zombie Jesus Day!

jesus by Squee4Starscream March 9, 2008

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Jesus

My mexican gardener, he does a great job

Me: Jesus, you did a great job on the tulips yesterday!

Jesus: Gracias!

Jesus by Anastacia Beverhausen October 10, 2005

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Jesus

A white American who was born in the Jewish middle east about two thousand years ago when dinosaurs were still walking around the earth because God made the earth in seven days. He was devoutly Republican, and a great friend of Ronald Reagon and George Bush Senior. He enjoyed golfing, the Stock Market, and the occasional damning of a democrat.
He resembled Chuck Norris in such a way that many asked for "his autograph," to be terribly disappointed when he signed it, "Christ."

Q: What would Jesus do?
A: Invade, all the way George. He's practically screaming it.

Jesus by JBEandfriends January 23, 2008

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