News

The go to TV show if you want to hear about all the horrible stuff that happened throughout the world during the day
On VERY RARE occasions, they'll air something positive

Research shows that the news is now a leading cause of depression

News by Metallicajunkie October 4, 2018

News

Making money off of other people's actions. Every murder, every rape, every molestation, every mass shooting, every movie release, and every political gaffe is another dollar in my pocket. (But don't say their names because only I should be allowed to bolster my fame with the murder of innocent people)

News anchor "I contribute to society.... By waiting for other people to contribute to society.... And then talking about it.... LOOK HOW HARD I WORK! You should get out of bed and word harder. Like me! So I can report on you working separately but equally hard. Because I work just-a-oh-so-hard. I'm such a hard worker! Look at me!!"

News by Hym Iam April 16, 2022

News

noun (usually used ironically)

Archaic: “new” information about the world at large. Often fact-based and relevant.

Current: Opinionated propaganda designed to obfuscate facts in favour of one political ideology or another. Also pointless information about prominent media figures.

“In today’s news, Donald Trump said something racist.”

“In today’s news, we should invade Iraq because they might have a nuke”

“In today’s news, Kylie Jenner almost named her child “Rose””

News by Justin Cyder March 14, 2019

NEWS

Nipple Erection Without Stimulation. See NHO

Dude... its cold outside. That chick has NEWS.

NEWS by amazing gook April 9, 2004

news

North East West South

Here is the six o'clock North East West South, with Franklin K. Stamford

news by BombBomb February 10, 2004

news

An advertising medium used by vested interests to push alternative facts to the ignorant masses.

Usually used in order to swing elections to a favored party, or re-enforce an authoritarian regime.

I read in the 'news' today that scientists are all involved in an elaborate left wing conspiracy on the climate change hoax. I've been using it as evidence to shoot down woke inner city latte sipping lefties on social media who are complaining about their towns being covered in smoke and ravaged by bushfires in Australia.

news by spaced_ January 5, 2020

News

Amongst a small group of friends in Solihull, West Midlands UK, it is the way to greet. It also functions as certain bridges for sentences, for example, using it to define actions and opinions etc.

In greeting:
"News."
"News"

In conversation:
"What sort of news are you getting on?"
"News of the drinking variety"

In object:
"Woah! That stunt Marty McFly does in Back To The Future 2, where he escapes from Biff in the tunnel is the news!!"

News by Tom Honeyfield December 16, 2004