malk
noun
Any milk alternative made from a non-dairy source (
e.g. soy,
rice, oats, spelt, bulgar, hemp, coconut, almond, cashew, hazelnut, macadamia, pistachio, sunflower, etc.). Since the National Milk Producers Federation is trying to convince the
Food and Drug Administration to outlaw the labeling of any product as "milk" that does not come from a mammary gland, a new
name is needed. And since humans should not be drinking liquid from any mammary gland other than a
human's, "malk" is definitely the healthiest and least gross choice after a person is weaned.
Mom: "Do you want whole or
chocolate milk on your Frosted Flakes?"
Son: "Seriously?! Do I look like a calf or are you just trying to make me diabetic? I'll take hemp malk on my
organic,
non-GMO, fair trade muesli, thank you very much."