malk
noun
Any
milk alternative made from a non-dairy source (
e.g. soy, rice, oats, spelt, bulgar, hemp, coconut, almond, cashew, hazelnut, macadamia, pistachio, sunflower, etc.). Since the National
Milk Producers Federation is trying to convince the
Food and Drug Administration to outlaw the labeling of any product as "
milk" that does not come from a mammary gland, a new name is needed. And since humans should not be drinking liquid from any mammary gland other than a human's, "malk" is definitely the healthiest and least gross choice after a person is weaned.
Mom: "Do you want whole or
chocolate milk on your Frosted Flakes?"
Son: "Seriously?! Do I look like a calf or are you just trying to make me diabetic? I'll take hemp malk on my
organic, non-
GMO, fair trade muesli, thank you very much."