malk
noun
Any milk alternative made from a non-dairy source (e.g. soy, rice, oats, spelt, bulgar, hemp,
coconut, almond, cashew, hazelnut, macadamia, pistachio, sunflower, etc.). Since the National Milk Producers Federation is trying to convince the
Food and Drug Administration to outlaw the labeling of any product as "milk" that does not come from a mammary gland, a new
name is needed. And since humans should not be drinking liquid from any mammary gland other than a human's, "malk" is definitely the healthiest and least
gross choice after a person is weaned.
Mom: "Do you want whole or
chocolate milk on your Frosted Flakes?"
Son: "Seriously?! Do I look
like a calf or are you just trying to make me diabetic? I'll take hemp malk on my organic, non-GMO, fair trade muesli, thank you very much."