7 definitions by traitorjoes
Erewhon is a Los Angeles based, organic grocery store that caters to health conscious, fit, and beautiful individuals. They offer a wide variety of salubrious, well-curated goods that are carefully selected to appeal to influencers and coastal elite types. A food boutique if you will.
At the door, a security guard will ask you to step on a scale to make sure you’re thin enough to enter. If you’re skinny enough to make it to the next step, the store manager will check your social media accounts to make sure you have at least 10k active, real followers. You must show your most recent tax documents and a valid passport with at least ten international stamps on it. If you’ve made it this far, you will then be asked to stand in front of three randomly selected Erewhon shoppers who will rate the softness of your hair and skin, your teeth and gums, how nice your hands are, and the quality and sustainability of your clothes and re-usable shopping bag. If they approve of you, a flower crown (organic) is placed on your shiny, soft hair and you are welcomed into the store by the other ethereal, thin, angelic Erewhon shoppers. If they disapprove, non-organic tomatoes are thrown at you and Gavin Newsom is called to perform a crystal and sage cleanse at the store. You are then vanished to "the colonies" (basically anywhere outside Southern California) where you'll be forced to shop at Vons with the commoners who wear Kohl's clothes and use an Android.
At the door, a security guard will ask you to step on a scale to make sure you’re thin enough to enter. If you’re skinny enough to make it to the next step, the store manager will check your social media accounts to make sure you have at least 10k active, real followers. You must show your most recent tax documents and a valid passport with at least ten international stamps on it. If you’ve made it this far, you will then be asked to stand in front of three randomly selected Erewhon shoppers who will rate the softness of your hair and skin, your teeth and gums, how nice your hands are, and the quality and sustainability of your clothes and re-usable shopping bag. If they approve of you, a flower crown (organic) is placed on your shiny, soft hair and you are welcomed into the store by the other ethereal, thin, angelic Erewhon shoppers. If they disapprove, non-organic tomatoes are thrown at you and Gavin Newsom is called to perform a crystal and sage cleanse at the store. You are then vanished to "the colonies" (basically anywhere outside Southern California) where you'll be forced to shop at Vons with the commoners who wear Kohl's clothes and use an Android.
Erewhon Shopper 1: Should I get the $30 Buffalo Cauliflower or the $50 Organic Coconut Turmeric Chicken Tenders?
Erewhon Shopper 2: Ew, neither. You'll end up looking like one of those obese out of state people that weight like, 150 pounds and buy their groceries at a regular supermarket. If you keep eating like that, you'll have to buy your clothes at one of those size-inclusive places like Target or Kohl's. Is that the future you want? Just get the $20 non-GMO, free-range water instead.
Erewhon Shopper 2: Ew, neither. You'll end up looking like one of those obese out of state people that weight like, 150 pounds and buy their groceries at a regular supermarket. If you keep eating like that, you'll have to buy your clothes at one of those size-inclusive places like Target or Kohl's. Is that the future you want? Just get the $20 non-GMO, free-range water instead.
by traitorjoes August 23, 2022
A term used in Mexico referring to its small population of middle to upper class citizens of European or mostly European descent. However, there can also be whitexicans of Lebanese and Jewish backgrounds. They usually have a traditional Spanish first name and a rare or less-common surname. They may also even have dual citizenship to a more "developed" country.
A true whitexican would go unperceived in Europe or the U.S. due to their Northern European or Mediterranean appearence, slim/toned bodies, and good sense of style. Their wardrobes are minimalistic and classic with a touch of current trendiness. They have a decent amount of social and cultural capital and enjoy exotic beach getaways. Their taste in music varies, but mostly includes classic pop anthems, indie rock, and electronica along with some traditional Mexican music.
In recent years, there has been a surge in whitexican wannabes. In spite of their efforts to hide it, these wannabes usually look more stereotypically Mexican to some degree. Due to their improved socioeconomic status, these commoners begin to think they belong to the middle and upper class whitexican population, but their physical appearance and their constant, jarring attempt at what they think is a "whitexican" accent always exposes their true social class. They also are more likely to enjoy reggateon, urban, or other low-brow musical genres and forms of entertainment.
A true whitexican would go unperceived in Europe or the U.S. due to their Northern European or Mediterranean appearence, slim/toned bodies, and good sense of style. Their wardrobes are minimalistic and classic with a touch of current trendiness. They have a decent amount of social and cultural capital and enjoy exotic beach getaways. Their taste in music varies, but mostly includes classic pop anthems, indie rock, and electronica along with some traditional Mexican music.
In recent years, there has been a surge in whitexican wannabes. In spite of their efforts to hide it, these wannabes usually look more stereotypically Mexican to some degree. Due to their improved socioeconomic status, these commoners begin to think they belong to the middle and upper class whitexican population, but their physical appearance and their constant, jarring attempt at what they think is a "whitexican" accent always exposes their true social class. They also are more likely to enjoy reggateon, urban, or other low-brow musical genres and forms of entertainment.
Wannabe whitexican: O sea, wey, I'm going to Tulum on my private jet, wey. My dad is paying for everything.
True Whitexican: Um ok? You're still not one of us. Doesn't all your "wealth" come from illegal activities?
Wannabe whitexican: No, we own taco stands on the street.
True whitexican: Whatever. Get back to your new rich penthouse in Polanco and blast reggaeton music in your gaudy sports car like the true naco you are.
True Whitexican: Um ok? You're still not one of us. Doesn't all your "wealth" come from illegal activities?
Wannabe whitexican: No, we own taco stands on the street.
True whitexican: Whatever. Get back to your new rich penthouse in Polanco and blast reggaeton music in your gaudy sports car like the true naco you are.
by traitorjoes August 24, 2022
Your average ghetto girl. The chola reinvented.
She is loud, disruptive, and mean but deep down she means well and will most likely share her Hot Cheetos or Takis with you if you ask nicely.
Hot Cheeto Girls use a generous amount of hair product to tame their hair and lay their edges. They use fake eye lashes and heavy make-up, focusing mainly on their thick, drawn-on, Kylie Jenner style eyebrows. Hoop earrings, facial piercings, and long acrylics are also a must. Did they steal this from their local Walgreen's or did their weed dealer boyfriend buy her all this stuff? It's hard to say. Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's EBT.
She wears skinny jeans from the ROSS clearance section and has a collection of lower end body sprays from Victoria's Secret or Bath & Body Works in her purse. She will be spraying that on herself throughout the entire day creating an intoxicating aroma of hair product, heavily scented body lotion, and $20 body spray.
Once a Hot Cheeto Girl matures, she usually quits her dancing or cashier job to live a quiet life with her cropped eared Pitbull and mixed-race kids. She will continue to use snapchat filters well into middle age and will remain an LGBT ally, defending her scrawny, ghetto, gay bestie til the end.
She is loud, disruptive, and mean but deep down she means well and will most likely share her Hot Cheetos or Takis with you if you ask nicely.
Hot Cheeto Girls use a generous amount of hair product to tame their hair and lay their edges. They use fake eye lashes and heavy make-up, focusing mainly on their thick, drawn-on, Kylie Jenner style eyebrows. Hoop earrings, facial piercings, and long acrylics are also a must. Did they steal this from their local Walgreen's or did their weed dealer boyfriend buy her all this stuff? It's hard to say. Maybe she's born with it, maybe it's EBT.
She wears skinny jeans from the ROSS clearance section and has a collection of lower end body sprays from Victoria's Secret or Bath & Body Works in her purse. She will be spraying that on herself throughout the entire day creating an intoxicating aroma of hair product, heavily scented body lotion, and $20 body spray.
Once a Hot Cheeto Girl matures, she usually quits her dancing or cashier job to live a quiet life with her cropped eared Pitbull and mixed-race kids. She will continue to use snapchat filters well into middle age and will remain an LGBT ally, defending her scrawny, ghetto, gay bestie til the end.
Cardi B is the mature age HCG. Kylie Jenner the trashy-rich, nice hot cheeto girl with mixed race kids. Bhad Bahbie (the "cash me outside how bout da" girl) is the white HCG.
by traitorjoes February 21, 2023
A coastal grandmother is an affluent woman that likes to spend her retirement years reading on the porch of her Nantucket or Martha's Vineyard home, gardening, collecting sea shells on the shore, and drinking coffee as she watches the sunrise.
Her hair is either blonde or completely white, but it is never too short. She wears stylish, yet comfortable clothes and minimal jewelry. White, cream, beige, baby blue and light pink are her favorite colors. Vineyard Vines, Brooks Brothers and Kate Spade are staples in her wardrobe.
Her home is beautiful, spacious and tastefully decorated. There are always freshly picked hydrangeas in her antique vases and freshly picked lemons from her lemon tree in the kitchen.
Her hair is either blonde or completely white, but it is never too short. She wears stylish, yet comfortable clothes and minimal jewelry. White, cream, beige, baby blue and light pink are her favorite colors. Vineyard Vines, Brooks Brothers and Kate Spade are staples in her wardrobe.
Her home is beautiful, spacious and tastefully decorated. There are always freshly picked hydrangeas in her antique vases and freshly picked lemons from her lemon tree in the kitchen.
I want to be like Diane Keaton when I'm old and live my life like I'm in a Nancy Meyers movie. She's the epitome of a coastal grandmother.
by traitorjoes February 27, 2023
The coquette aesthetic is feminine, delicate, vintage, and soft.
Coquette girls are young, thin and beautiful. They like to use light pink or white ribbons in their long, soft, flowy, blonde or brown hair. They wear minimal make up on their clear, pale skin, perhaps some lip gloss and blush occasionally.
She wears cute clothes, usually from places like Brandy Melville, in neural, light colors.
They enjoy eating healthy meals and doing Pilates to maintain their slim, ballerina-like bodies. Her vintage vanity desk is littered with dainty jewelry and perfumes. "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov sits on her bedside table along with a vintage, silver and mother of pearl hairbrush.
She loves Sofia Coppola films and idolizes Nina from "Black Swan", young Lana del Rey, and Lily Collins.
Coquette girls are young, thin and beautiful. They like to use light pink or white ribbons in their long, soft, flowy, blonde or brown hair. They wear minimal make up on their clear, pale skin, perhaps some lip gloss and blush occasionally.
She wears cute clothes, usually from places like Brandy Melville, in neural, light colors.
They enjoy eating healthy meals and doing Pilates to maintain their slim, ballerina-like bodies. Her vintage vanity desk is littered with dainty jewelry and perfumes. "Lolita" by Vladimir Nabokov sits on her bedside table along with a vintage, silver and mother of pearl hairbrush.
She loves Sofia Coppola films and idolizes Nina from "Black Swan", young Lana del Rey, and Lily Collins.
by traitorjoes February 27, 2023
The modern-day girl next door. A pretty white girl with a perfect smile and natural make-up. Feminine, soft, and effortlessly beautiful.
Vanilla girls usually keep their long, soft, shiny hair in their natural state without applying too much heat or harsh chemicals to it. Their make-up is light and natural. They spend their free time baking, drinking vanilla lattes, and doing Pilates to maintain their perfectly slim figure.
Their wardrobe is minimalistic, made up of mostly the basics in neutral colors. Only the best quality clothes, of course.
Her beauty and lifestyle can seem threatening and unattainable to some, making her the target of negative comments from people who find her too clean and polished, but a vanilla girl always remains calm and is always kind to others.
Vanilla girls usually keep their long, soft, shiny hair in their natural state without applying too much heat or harsh chemicals to it. Their make-up is light and natural. They spend their free time baking, drinking vanilla lattes, and doing Pilates to maintain their perfectly slim figure.
Their wardrobe is minimalistic, made up of mostly the basics in neutral colors. Only the best quality clothes, of course.
Her beauty and lifestyle can seem threatening and unattainable to some, making her the target of negative comments from people who find her too clean and polished, but a vanilla girl always remains calm and is always kind to others.
Alex: Want to listen to Taylor Swift in my car and get Blue Bottle after Pilates today?
Olivia: Yes! We're such vanilla girls!
Olivia: Yes! We're such vanilla girls!
by traitorjoes February 18, 2023
Modern day twinks are your typical cute, white, boy next door. Youthful and innocent in appearance. Perfect teeth. Their bodies are smooth, slim, and toned, similar to a swimmer's build.
They have straight or slightly wavy, natural blonde or tousled, brunette hair and usually wear stylish clothes. You can often find them having expensive brunches or at the gym trying to maintain their figures.
Twinks are often the most desired types of boys in the gay community. Twunks, a slightly more muscular version of a twink, is also highly sought after. Twinks prefer to date other twinks, but will occasionally date twunks and jocks.
They have straight or slightly wavy, natural blonde or tousled, brunette hair and usually wear stylish clothes. You can often find them having expensive brunches or at the gym trying to maintain their figures.
Twinks are often the most desired types of boys in the gay community. Twunks, a slightly more muscular version of a twink, is also highly sought after. Twinks prefer to date other twinks, but will occasionally date twunks and jocks.
Miles Heizer is a twink. Leonardo DiCaprio was a twink before "twink death" got him. Shawn Mendes and Tom Holland are twunks.
by traitorjoes February 18, 2023