theinstigator's definitions

Car Pool Tunnel Syndrome

When three or more people are riding in a car and they drive through a tunnel, all the windows are rolled down and everyone screams out the windows all the way through the tunnel. Their shrieking reverberates off the walls of the tunnel causing quite a ruckus.

Bum #1: Listen to those damn fools yelling out their windows!
Bum#2: They can't help it, Earl. I think they got that disease.
Bum #1: What disease, Fred?
Bum #2: That there Car Pool Tunnel Syndrome.
Bum #1: You're a fucking idiot, Fred.

by theinstigator September 22, 2016

Ghost of Houdini

When a man is lying in bed on his back and he gets a hard-on, it rises beneath the sheets appearing as a ghostly figure in the morning light. True to the spirit of Houdini, the ghostly erection is likely to disappear soon after it arrives, possibly into the woman beside him.

Jane: Baby, look at the sheet near your crotch!
Kevin: Shh, baby. It's the ghost of Houdini.
Jane: Really? Is he friendly?
Kevin: Oh yeah. I think he wants a kiss.
Jane: Okay.

by theinstigator September 22, 2016

Warning shot over the bow

When a lady is giving her man a handjob or blowjob and the pressure has built and the first blast of jizz shoots up over her head, possibly into her hair. It is quite similar to the naval maneuver where one ship intentionally shoots high and beyond another ship as a warning that they are well within firing range and bad things will happen if proper action is not taken. In our case, though, it is a warning to the lady that she better hurry and point that babymaker in the direction she wants the rest of the jizz to go whether it's her mouth, tits, face (NOT THE EYES!!!)

Suddenly, a blast of cum shot up toward Jane's face. She flinched and the thick stream shot just over her forehead and dropped in Jane's hair from front to back like a pearly river. Recognizing this as a warning shot over the bow, Jane wanted to protect her eyes so she quickly put her mouth over Doug's cock. She soon realized it was too much to handle as every contraction from Doug sent another stream into her mouth and soon it poured down her chin and all over her succulent breasts. By the time his orgasm had ended Jane was plastered with the thick goo. It was very evident to Jane that Doug hadn't been with a woman in a while.

by theinstigator September 22, 2016

Brown-eyed Snake Charmer

When a shit coming out of one's ass is so long that it has amassed at the bottom of the toilet bowl and grown to the surface like a volcanic island emerging from the Pacific Ocean. The shit keeps coming in one long continuous poop like when a soft serve ice cream machine has a faulty handle. Eventually, to prevent the growing glop of excrement from pressing the buttocks from below, the person has to lift their ass off the toilet seat and rotate and hover their butt cheeks over this watery porcelain pit to let the brownie rope coil onto the steaming lump with as low a profile as possible. Though the shit is obviously dropping downward, the turd snake appears to be rising slowly from the toilet bowl, mesmerized by the slowly swirling ass, and burying it's head into that hypnotic brown eye from which it came.

Ben: "Dudes, I just took a shit that was so long that the top of it comes 5 inches above the waterline. I even made it curly-Q'ed like an ice cream cone from Dairy Queen."
Charley: "Damn, man! Your ass is a brown-eyed snake charmer!"

by theinstigator September 16, 2016

Blown Head Gaskets

When your woman gives you some head (a blowjob) and being the respectable gal she is she wraps her lips tightly around your magnificent manhood as you cum to a rousing climax. As it turns out, she had been bringing you to the edge so many times that your body kept producing that baby gravy and by the time you finally released your man chowder the volume was far too much for her to handle. Schlong juice spurts from the broken seal of her lips on your bitch impaler. Often, splooge will spew from her nose and her ears may pop.

Raymond: Damn, woman! You leakin' everywhere! You got blown head gaskets, bitch. Now finish up on old Ray's dick and then go wash that shit off yourself so I can give you a little hug.

by theinstigator September 16, 2016

Cataract Removal

An act performed after thoroughly coating a girl’s eyeballs with your jizz, giving them a glistening iridescent coating, temporarily blinding her. To relieve her clouded vision, you convince her to be very still and keep her stinging peepers wide open. Then you make two fists and slug her very hard simultaneously in the eyes, knocking your milky man-juice from her beautiful baby blues. Thus, you have performed cataract removal.

Veronica: Betty, how did you get two black eyes?
Betty: I underwent cataract removal.

by theinstigator June 4, 2016

the Hindenburg

When one has had so much sex that their cock is rubbed raw but they have sex again anyway and it burns like a motherfucker and just as they reach a climax and cum they yell, “Oh the humanity!”

“Sorry, Betty. We need to slow down. That last fuck was the Hindenburg for me. My dick is a disaster.”

by theinstigator June 3, 2016