7 definitions by hoze-a

mathematics

An arcane discipline invented by the ancients to ensure full employment among pointy headed professors who lack social skills to enter or succeed in any of the social sciences, including spelling. The principal means by which this is achieved is to establish an extensive, cascading order of complexity, such that each class is offered only as a prerequisite to the next.

Mathematics is the language of tenure. Since university administrators invariably come from more serious disciplines, they could give a rat's what goes on in the math department, excepting, of course the math professors' occasional brush with the FBI and kiddy porn.

She: Why am I having to take all this goddamn math?

He: To help Dr. Goldbaum enjoy lap dances down at the truck stop.

by hoze-a March 25, 2007

Hockey

Some sort of rudimentary sport where white Catholic players are armed with sticks and beat the shit out of each other. I think it is still played in the north somewhere. Since afro's are too smart to live up there where it's too cold to screw, the contests are rarely shown on TV, especially when there's a golf tournament somewhere.

He: "I tell ya, that Wayne Gretzky is the greatest athlete of all time!"

She: "That's 'cause Afro's don't play hockey.

by hoze-a October 15, 2006

making love

A phrase of ambiguous import, known only to the female of the species. Males have an entirely different understanding of the same even.

Paula: It was so romantic: we walked on the beach, sipped wine, and when we got back to his place, Barry Manilow was playing softly. He wasn't in a hurry or anything and before long we were making love.

Paul: Jesus, it took for ever; cost me some cheap wine and a goddamn faggot Barry Manlow CD, but we finally got to pound pee holes before the playoffs!

by hoze-a January 21, 2007

turd knocker

An undesirable person who is outside the mainstream, especially in the general area of social competency. You wouldn't want to go camping with a turd knocker, and you certainly wouldn't want him nailing your sister.

Although our dear president is clearly a turd knocker, Hugo Chavez ought not to call him names because our president is OUR turd knocker.

by hoze-a November 12, 2006

chickchismo

The bizarre odor that permeates the air in the vicinity of chicks who don't bath regularly, especially after 'that time of the month' they're always bragging about. It's somewhere between three day old road kill and an old tuna boat muffler. Lots of 'em will try all sorts of crotch deodorants, but it's useless: most got it, few don't. Don't cry your deceiving little eyes out girls, it's nothing soap won't cure for a few moments.

Goddamn, have we run over a seafaring skunk, or did someone shit a tuna fish? No, dad, that's sis and mom's chickchismo in the back.

by hoze-a August 25, 2006

hip hop

A word used to describe the audio version of dog shit. Hip hop is to civilized ears what fresh dogshit is to bare feet. Insofar as contribution to our culture goes, that any homie with an IQ of slightly more than 45 (i.e. your advanced homie) can belt this shit out on the first try without any practice, training, or study whatsoever is a big hint. Another is the skill with which they affix their hats to their little BB-like heads.

When that ex-cop Caprice pulled up beside me in traffic with his hip hop dogshit turned up so high his trunk lid was buzzing, I decided not to go to a black lawyer or a black doctor just to be on the safe side, and I think I'll make it tougher for 'em to get into my university, not to mention neighborhood.

by hoze-a July 4, 2006

blogger

A rancid ass cheese who fanticizes that someone will read his/her pathetic shit. Who gives a fuck what they think about anything? They're geeks who jack off with visions of the geometry teacher dancing in their pointy little heads.

I went to crap a gnarley turd but a blogger came out instead.

by hoze-a January 14, 2006