clairem's definitions

US intelligence

An oxymoron (phrase that describes something that doesn't actually exist)

When was the last time you saw ANY evidence of US intelligence - George Bush, Britney Spears, Monica Lewinsky? I rest my case.

by clairem April 21, 2007

dinner medals

Food stains from your last meal.

Dinner medals come in different shapes, sizes and textures, and you can also scratch-n-sniff them.

by clairem April 21, 2007

sarah jessica parker

One-time actress from sex and the city.

Sarah Jessica Parker recently won an award and she thanked everyone including family, friends and her lawyer(?) before bursting into floods of tears, boo-hoo. She has a horse face, which would be ok (on a horse), but then there is the mole, big, juicy, throbbing and sweaty, it isn't attached to her - she is attached to IT........

by clairem June 19, 2007

Condoleeza Rice Krispies

Breakfast cereal with some side-effects. Manufactured by Bush-Lovers United Food Federation (BLUFF) this product enables the eater to talk crap, backtrack, and look desperate at every opportunity. WARNING: eating this cereal will seriously alter the positioning of your front teeth....permanently.

Once upon a time there was a little girl called Condoleeza. Her mom got her some Condoleeza Rice Krispies and she ate 'em all up. Then she morphed into a suit-wearing, buck-toothed Bush-gimp who has now become happy to be a Presidential puppet with Dubya twitching her strings. My, betcha moms proud of you now Condo!!!!

by clairem December 24, 2008

puffadder

Person who farts in the bath and then counts the bubbles

Puffadder enters the bath..
rumble-rumble .....quuaaarrrrkkkkk.... "one"
rumble-rumble .....rattattatt..... "two"
rumble-rumble..... blelp..... "three"

by clairem December 24, 2008

sharon osbourne

Surgically altered, squeaky-voiced middle-aged tramp masquerading as a perfect mom/music mogul.

"oh, my life is soooooo bad. I'm sharon osbourne and I'm super-rich and have a gorgeous house that my dogs have shat all up and my husband can't walk/talk/see/piss straight. My daughter's in/out rehab and my son's the same and my boob job was too big 'cos I can't see my feet.....of course I'll accept the Mum of the Year award, gotta keep the bank topped up after all..."

by clairem May 17, 2007

Spice Girls

5 talentless marketing gimps whose pathetic attempts to 'sing' had to be tweaked up to the eyeballs to MAKE them sound in tune. Made their millions by being marketed to such an extent it even enabled them to squeeze every last penny of pocket-money out of small children who bought their completely shite, and now worthless, merchandise.

Hey Spice Girls, where's your Girl Power now?
Posh: Chain-smoking twig who's desperately clinging to her cheating husband, dropped by record company
Sporty: No marriage, no kids, dropped by record company
Baby: Pregnant to on/off boyfriend, dropped by record company
Scary: 2 kids by 2 men (paternity case due), dropped by record company
Ginger: Kid by fella she dumped, dropped by record company
Never mind, you've still go all that money from all those little kids that believed in you.......

by clairem April 11, 2007