puffadder

Person who farts in the bath and then counts the bubbles
Puffadder enters the bath..
rumble-rumble .....quuaaarrrrkkkkk.... "one"
rumble-rumble .....rattattatt..... "two"
rumble-rumble..... blelp..... "three"
by clairem April 01, 2007
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dinner medals

Food stains from your last meal.
Dinner medals come in different shapes, sizes and textures, and you can also scratch-n-sniff them.
by clairem April 15, 2007
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Blair goggles

Spectacles so highly sophisticated they are totally invisible to all but the wearer. Upon putting these on you fall in love with the first wide-mouthed woman you see, and you will then fall completely under the spell of the current president of the US of A. The rest, as they say, will become history.
Blair "Oh dear, the country is going to pot and look what I married"
Bush "Don't worry Tony, just put ya Blair goggles back on, I wanna ask ya'll a little favour......."
by clairem April 01, 2007
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sarah jessica parker

Sarah Jessica Parker recently won an award and she thanked everyone including family, friends and her lawyer(?) before bursting into floods of tears, boo-hoo. She has a horse face, which would be ok (on a horse), but then there is the mole, big, juicy, throbbing and sweaty, it isn't attached to her - she is attached to IT........
by clairem May 30, 2007
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US intelligence

An oxymoron (phrase that describes something that doesn't actually exist)
When was the last time you saw ANY evidence of US intelligence - George Bush, Britney Spears, Monica Lewinsky? I rest my case.
by clairem April 15, 2007
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victoria beckham

Talentless former Spice Bint (Piss) who resembles a toothpick with an OVER-inflated chest. Now desperately clinging on to anything/anybody that will keep her in the news, she has decided to grace America with her pouting presence. Married to the equally dim-but-loaded David Beckham.
"David, I need to lose weight because my shadow's looking a bit fat"
"What, Victoria Beckham's developed a shadow, get your coat we need to get you to the hospital"
"But why"
"I'm not being seen with a tubby wife, there's only one thing left to make you lose weight"
"What's that David"?
"Amputation"
by clairem April 02, 2007
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ricky martin

Immaculately gay.
He likes to live la vida loca
while he plays with his poker
watch him being so totally gay
with his mincing walk and his hip-sway
given the chance he'd like to be in drag
but he looks like a smartly dressed fag
so come on Ricky Martin, the boys say you're hot
shake yo booty and show 'em what you've got.....

by clairem May 12, 2007
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