15 definitions by clairem

To break wind LOUDLY & UNEXPECTEDLY!!!
"lovely day for a walk Camilla"
"yes Charles, I was <<QQUUUAAAARRRKKKSSHHLLOOOOOPPPZZIPP>> .... errr pardon me"
"oh, did you tread on a frog dear"?
"yes, and I think I've shat myself n'all"
by clairem April 2, 2007
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Surgically altered, squeaky-voiced middle-aged tramp masquerading as a perfect mom/music mogul.
"oh, my life is soooooo bad. I'm sharon osbourne and I'm super-rich and have a gorgeous house that my dogs have shat all up and my husband can't walk/talk/see/piss straight. My daughter's in/out rehab and my son's the same and my boob job was too big 'cos I can't see my feet.....of course I'll accept the Mum of the Year award, gotta keep the bank topped up after all..."
by clairem May 4, 2007
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One-time successful recording artist with a face like a squashed crab.
Sting found fame with the Police then as a solo artist.
Totally self-absorbed, his main interests have since been tribes, singing in his bare feet (?) and tantric sex.

A word of advice Sting: if that's what tantric sex does to your face, then celibacy is WAY OVERDUE. And sort your hair out n'all, it's weird...
by clairem May 12, 2007
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5 talentless marketing gimps whose pathetic attempts to 'sing' had to be tweaked up to the eyeballs to MAKE them sound in tune. Made their millions by being marketed to such an extent it even enabled them to squeeze every last penny of pocket-money out of small children who bought their completely shite, and now worthless, merchandise.
Hey Spice Girls, where's your Girl Power now?
Posh: Chain-smoking twig who's desperately clinging to her cheating husband, dropped by record company
Sporty: No marriage, no kids, dropped by record company
Baby: Pregnant to on/off boyfriend, dropped by record company
Scary: 2 kids by 2 men (paternity case due), dropped by record company
Ginger: Kid by fella she dumped, dropped by record company
Never mind, you've still go all that money from all those little kids that believed in you.......
by clairem April 4, 2007
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Sarah Jessica Parker recently won an award and she thanked everyone including family, friends and her lawyer(?) before bursting into floods of tears, boo-hoo. She has a horse face, which would be ok (on a horse), but then there is the mole, big, juicy, throbbing and sweaty, it isn't attached to her - she is attached to IT........
by clairem May 30, 2007
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The non-stop irritating voice emitted by a Sat Nav system when you have not gone the way IT wants you to go.
Driver "I know a quicker way, it's just down here"
Sat Nag "turn around, wrong way, don't go this way, you are wrong, I am right, turn around, cannot compute, turn around, wrong way, I am in charge, no, turn left at next junction, I make the decisions, you are wrong, I am the machine - you are merely the human, wrong way, you have errored, don't even think of switching me off, you'll get us lost if you don't turn around, wrong way, I'll drain your battery if you don't turn back......."

by clairem June 20, 2007
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Immaculately gay.
He likes to live la vida loca
while he plays with his poker
watch him being so totally gay
with his mincing walk and his hip-sway
given the chance he'd like to be in drag
but he looks like a smartly dressed fag
so come on Ricky Martin, the boys say you're hot
shake yo booty and show 'em what you've got.....

by clairem May 12, 2007
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