clairem's definitions

puffadder

Person who farts in the bath and then counts the bubbles

Puffadder enters the bath..
rumble-rumble .....quuaaarrrrkkkkk.... "one"
rumble-rumble .....rattattatt..... "two"
rumble-rumble..... blelp..... "three"

by clairem December 24, 2008

Blair goggles

Spectacles so highly sophisticated they are totally invisible to all but the wearer. Upon putting these on you fall in love with the first wide-mouthed woman you see, and you will then fall completely under the spell of the current president of the US of A. The rest, as they say, will become history.

Blair "Oh dear, the country is going to pot and look what I married"
Bush "Don't worry Tony, just put ya Blair goggles back on, I wanna ask ya'll a little favour......."

by clairem December 9, 2008

Condoleeza Rice Krispies

Breakfast cereal with some side-effects. Manufactured by Bush-Lovers United Food Federation (BLUFF) this product enables the eater to talk crap, backtrack, and look desperate at every opportunity. WARNING: eating this cereal will seriously alter the positioning of your front teeth....permanently.

Once upon a time there was a little girl called Condoleeza. Her mom got her some Condoleeza Rice Krispies and she ate 'em all up. Then she morphed into a suit-wearing, buck-toothed Bush-gimp who has now become happy to be a Presidential puppet with Dubya twitching her strings. My, betcha moms proud of you now Condo!!!!

by clairem December 24, 2008

victoria beckham

Talentless former Spice Bint (Piss) who resembles a toothpick with an OVER-inflated chest. Now desperately clinging on to anything/anybody that will keep her in the news, she has decided to grace America with her pouting presence. Married to the equally dim-but-loaded David Beckham.

"David, I need to lose weight because my shadow's looking a bit fat"
"What, Victoria Beckham's developed a shadow, get your coat we need to get you to the hospital"
"But why"
"I'm not being seen with a tubby wife, there's only one thing left to make you lose weight"
"What's that David"?
"Amputation"

by clairem April 8, 2007

tread on a frog

To break wind LOUDLY & UNEXPECTEDLY!!!

"lovely day for a walk Camilla"
"yes Charles, I was <<QQUUUAAAARRRKKKSSHHLLOOOOOPPPZZIPP>> .... errr pardon me"
"oh, did you tread on a frog dear"?
"yes, and I think I've shat myself n'all"

by clairem April 8, 2007

Spice Girls

5 talentless marketing gimps whose pathetic attempts to 'sing' had to be tweaked up to the eyeballs to MAKE them sound in tune. Made their millions by being marketed to such an extent it even enabled them to squeeze every last penny of pocket-money out of small children who bought their completely shite, and now worthless, merchandise.

Hey Spice Girls, where's your Girl Power now?
Posh: Chain-smoking twig who's desperately clinging to her cheating husband, dropped by record company
Sporty: No marriage, no kids, dropped by record company
Baby: Pregnant to on/off boyfriend, dropped by record company
Scary: 2 kids by 2 men (paternity case due), dropped by record company
Ginger: Kid by fella she dumped, dropped by record company
Never mind, you've still go all that money from all those little kids that believed in you.......

by clairem April 11, 2007

pop slop

Extremely rubbish pop music

"hey, have you heard Britneys latest song"?
"yeah, and it sounds just like the last one".
"I know, and nothing sounds worse than recycled pop slop"!!!

by clairem April 12, 2007