Definitions by Sir Bartholomew McTavish
spongeboob
1:)An idiot. A boob,but who happens to be a fan of the Spongebob Squarepants show.
2:)The perfect breast. Not too big, not too small, not enhanced, glistening slightly with rivulets of water clinging to the surface and nipple. Sponge-like but brilliant. Like a mix betwixt Milla Jovovich's (Pre Preg) and those of Katy Perry.
2:)The perfect breast. Not too big, not too small, not enhanced, glistening slightly with rivulets of water clinging to the surface and nipple. Sponge-like but brilliant. Like a mix betwixt Milla Jovovich's (Pre Preg) and those of Katy Perry.
Bernard: Yo, Mike, you see Spongeboob?
Mike: What? The cartoon?
Bernard: No, the hottie over there, working in that garage on that Subaru.
Mike: What? Where?
Bernard: The one over there cranking that jack now.
Mike: Where man?
Bernard: Fucking THERE! The one whose just spilled all that fucking Castrol GTX on her overalls. Look, she's the one taking off her over...alls.
Mike: We looking at the same garage?
Bernard: Hmm? She's rubbing it off.
Mike: Ooooh, the girl in the RED cap! I see her now. Hey, that's not Cas...trol...thats...Wigwam..qual...this is sweet. (They high-ten, chest bounce then return to perving.)
Mike: What? The cartoon?
Bernard: No, the hottie over there, working in that garage on that Subaru.
Mike: What? Where?
Bernard: The one over there cranking that jack now.
Mike: Where man?
Bernard: Fucking THERE! The one whose just spilled all that fucking Castrol GTX on her overalls. Look, she's the one taking off her over...alls.
Mike: We looking at the same garage?
Bernard: Hmm? She's rubbing it off.
Mike: Ooooh, the girl in the RED cap! I see her now. Hey, that's not Cas...trol...thats...Wigwam..qual...this is sweet. (They high-ten, chest bounce then return to perving.)
spongeboob by Sir Bartholomew McTavish January 1, 2009
fuckmas
What Disney and all other "child" orientated businesses are doing to us at Christmas. Wishing us a 'Merry Fuckmas, you've just paid us £40 for a piece of shit, you stupid fucking moron. You keep this economy going and you buy our crap?'
At Eurodisney
DAD: Go say hi to Mickey son,
SON: Okay Dad. Hiya Mickey, we thought you were great in Steamboat Willy
MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME MAN:Fuck you kid, give me your watch, cash and toys. (punches kid in face and signs Dad's car in own feaces.) Merry Fuckmas assholes.
DAD: Go say hi to Mickey son,
SON: Okay Dad. Hiya Mickey, we thought you were great in Steamboat Willy
MICKEY MOUSE COSTUME MAN:Fuck you kid, give me your watch, cash and toys. (punches kid in face and signs Dad's car in own feaces.) Merry Fuckmas assholes.
fuckmas by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 29, 2008
Christmarse
That time of year when you just can't be arsed to do anything or can't be arsed to bother with Christmas. It's about the same time all the shops cash in off December 25th by starting their X-Mas sales in Mid July and which don't end until the end of February.
Enid: Cyril, are you going to put up the decorations? It's only four days until the birthday of our Lord?
Cyril: I can't be Christmarsed.
Enid: Oh go on, I'll let you fondle my new hip?
Cyril: Fuck off you slag.I should've married your sister. At least she swallowed.
Cyril: I can't be Christmarsed.
Enid: Oh go on, I'll let you fondle my new hip?
Cyril: Fuck off you slag.I should've married your sister. At least she swallowed.
Christmarse by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 21, 2008
spunk tackle
The tackle you spunk with. Testicles and Penis. Cock and Balls. Twig and Gigggle Berries. Meat and Two Veg. Strawberry Shaft and Vanilla Scoops. Testicle (Pronounced testiclay) & Poking Rod...etc...
PETER: Andy, what's the matter?
ANDY: My wife kicked me in me spunk tackle.
PETER: Dannielle? Whatever for?
ANDY: Coz I said she was a stupid fat fucking minge muncher who was worse in bed that her comatose Mother.
(Brief moment of silence then a hefty High-Five.)
ANDY: My wife kicked me in me spunk tackle.
PETER: Dannielle? Whatever for?
ANDY: Coz I said she was a stupid fat fucking minge muncher who was worse in bed that her comatose Mother.
(Brief moment of silence then a hefty High-Five.)
spunk tackle by Sir Bartholomew McTavish December 16, 2008
crackmail
crackmail is what it is called when a woman, uses her crack to shut a moaning husband, boyfriend up when he finds out something she didn't want known.
Steve: So, what happened when you confronted your missus about doing that hardcore porno behind your back, when she was supposed to be going to see her ill Mother?
Dave: I got crackmailed by the Bitch.
Dave: I got crackmailed by the Bitch.
crackmail by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 22, 2008
ejokeulate
ejokeulate is what happens when something soooo funny happens that you either can't stop laughing, wet yourself or have an orgasm.
Samantha: What's wrong with you?
Carl: I just saw a pensioner fall over trying to eat a creamcake. I think I ejokeulated.
Carl: I just saw a pensioner fall over trying to eat a creamcake. I think I ejokeulated.
ejokeulate by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 22, 2008
spoforife
A Couple on a plane, the man has the window seat.
Kanye: Hey, Estelle, I'm feeling bonkers. Do you got a spoon, fork or a knife? I think it's called a spoforife.
Estelle: Can you be quiet for just one shitting minute?
Kanye: Hey we just touched down in London town.
Estelle: For Christ's sake, quit it with the fucking song or I'll kick you in the fucking balls again you ass hole.
Kayne: Hey look, it's the press. They don't fuck wit me.
Estelle: (Sighs.)
Kanye: Hey, Estelle, I'm feeling bonkers. Do you got a spoon, fork or a knife? I think it's called a spoforife.
Estelle: Can you be quiet for just one shitting minute?
Kanye: Hey we just touched down in London town.
Estelle: For Christ's sake, quit it with the fucking song or I'll kick you in the fucking balls again you ass hole.
Kayne: Hey look, it's the press. They don't fuck wit me.
Estelle: (Sighs.)
spoforife by Sir Bartholomew McTavish October 21, 2008