Definitions by QuacksO
COPD
Refers to a severe shortness-of-breath lung-disorder that causes the sufferer to uncontrollably writhe his body and spasmodically flail his limbs in such shocking and alarming motions that he often gets investigated by the police to see if he's drunk, high on drugs, an escapee from a mental ward, etc.
wiggleitis
The inability to sit still for more than thirty seconds. Most commonly afflicts youngsters, but people of any age can be significantly affected by it. Often is diagnosed incorrectly/unfairly by insensitive and/or "tedious" people who possess either an uncommonly-high level of patience/indifference for whatever monotonous condition/activity is making said sufferer(s) have ants in their pants, or the colorless/heartless mindset/ability to create/maintain such an elevated level of palpable tedium themselves. It may also be a lack of memory of the torturer's OWN childhood which causes him to mindlessly subject the sufferer to such intolerably boring circumstances, since it may not occur to him that HE HIMSELF would likely not have been able to withstand such agonies when he was the sufferer's age, either.
Amused gramma, observing a whimpery squirming child in a church pew: You have an advanced case of wiggleitis.
Child: Yeah?! Well, didn't YOU ever have trouble sitting still during church services when YOU were a child?
Amused gramma, shrugging casually and naively: No, not really, sweetie --- at your age, I was a choir girl, and we all hadda rehearse for hours every week. But I loved it, 'cuz I always felt so close to The Lord, and I---
Child, bursting into noisy floods of tears and jumping up to storm out the door: Oh, that DOES it --- I'm OUTTA here! I'm going swimming --- it's too hot and stuffy in here to sit and listen to this nonsense!
Amused gramma, serenely watching the child stomp out of the church and slam the door behind him, then turning back and exchanging amused helpless shrugs with other old-fogy parishioners before placidly settling back in her hard wooden pew-seat and composedly resuming listening to the preacher's seemingly-endless droning.
Child: Yeah?! Well, didn't YOU ever have trouble sitting still during church services when YOU were a child?
Amused gramma, shrugging casually and naively: No, not really, sweetie --- at your age, I was a choir girl, and we all hadda rehearse for hours every week. But I loved it, 'cuz I always felt so close to The Lord, and I---
Child, bursting into noisy floods of tears and jumping up to storm out the door: Oh, that DOES it --- I'm OUTTA here! I'm going swimming --- it's too hot and stuffy in here to sit and listen to this nonsense!
Amused gramma, serenely watching the child stomp out of the church and slam the door behind him, then turning back and exchanging amused helpless shrugs with other old-fogy parishioners before placidly settling back in her hard wooden pew-seat and composedly resuming listening to the preacher's seemingly-endless droning.
wiggleitis by QuacksO December 18, 2016
hysteriactomy
An operation that a woman has "down there" to remove the "what if I get pregnant?" hysteria that she normally feels whenever she has unprotected sex.
Hot chick: I love "doing it" with all of the "well-hung" guys I know, so I had a hysteriactomy to avoid any unexpected pitter-patter of little feet.
hysteriactomy by QuacksO December 17, 2016
andeffective
A mealy-mouthed "feature" of some hyped product, spoken after cheerful and virtuous-sounding words like "safe" or cheap", and intended to not actually lie but sometimes to trick someone into thinking you mean one thing when you may actually mean something entirely the opposite.
When a radio or TV advertiser says that some medicine or other edible substance is "tasty andeffective", I never know if he is indeed saying, "and effective", or if he's really saying, "and DEfective"!
andeffective by QuacksO December 8, 2016
"and furthermore" syndrome
Refers to the abrasive and horridly-destructive mindset that is all-too-often adopted by someone with authority/influence (parent/guardian, schoolteacher/principal, policeman/judge, owner/caretaker of a large and/or fancy estate, etc.), whereby he blatantly/impatiently disregards common sense or basic compassion regarding the everyday necessities/difficulties/incapabilities of the less fortunate/affluent/physically-fit mortals in the world, while at the same time needlessly and unjustly "throwing his weight around" or "flexing his muscles" in an additionally-injurious manner. So, not only will he refuse reasonable requests to assist/ease the burdens of a timid "underdog", but he will then "add insult to injury" by irritably/gruffly PILING ON one or more ADDITIONAL agonizingly-arduous stipulations/restrictions onto the trembling help-seeker, so that this unfortunate wretch will now be even WORSE off than he was before!
One should be extremely wary about asking someone of substance/power for advice or assistance, since many such "upper crust" individuals tend to be afflicted with "and furthermore" syndrome... not only may they flippantly brush off your request for help, but they likely will then also grumble, "And furthermore --- I don't want you to do such-and-such anymore", or "I am sick and tired of your not doing such-and-such like everyone else does, so you're to start doing so immediately", which of course will just make you burdened/agonized all the more, especially if the retracted privilege is something that you vitally need just to survive or remain sane.
"and furthermore" syndrome by QuacksO November 29, 2016
reverse identity theft
The act of abusing the well-known and "automatically accepted" concept of identity theft (whereby a nameless criminal commits a crime and makes it appear that an innocent person did it) by falsely mentioning it to hopefully avert suspicion of criminal involvement --- the accused person does indeed commit one or more crimes himself, but then when questioned by authorities, the culprit claims to merely be an innocent ID-theft victim, and that somebody else must have committed the crimes in his name.
John claims that while he was golfing with his buddies, someone snuck into his car and used his laptop to send smutty e-mail messages. But I know what an "in the gutter" mindset he has, so I suspect that he's just hiding behind reverse identity theft.
reverse identity theft by QuacksO November 27, 2016
Frankenwhine
A bratty little buck-toothed green-skinned "monster" who is always complaining, constantly demanding attention, never satisfied with anything, and nasally begging for items on the shelves of the department store or supermarket. Just about every family has at least one of these delightful rug-rats somewhere in its "flock"; it's just that nobody wants to admit his existence or reveal who the "ram" and "ewe" were who ever conceived this infamous "black sheep", nor does anyone even want to be saddled with the unenviable task of being the delinquent's "shepherd" for the day. Even school days may bring little relief from his torment for the adults back at the house, since he often gets sent home from school for disruptive behavior within the first hour of attendance --- the teachers and hall-monitors can't stand to deal with him, either.
I hate attending my neighbors' backyard barbecues because there's inevitably at least one Frankenwhine in their midst who ruins the day for everyone else.
Frankenwhine by QuacksO November 25, 2016