Definitions by QuacksO
standard reward
The typically-accepted-as-equivalent "pleasure-reimbursement" that a guy and gal exchange in a particular everyday romantic "transaction".
Two examples of standard rewards:
(1) If a guy allows a visiting gal to use his shower, she lets him accompany her into the shower and dreamily canoodle with her under the warm waterfall.
(2) If a misty-eyed guy wants to give a buxom gal a naked chest-to-chest hug, he'll soothingly massage her back all during said extended deeply-squeezy snuggle-session. (A variation on this "contract" would be that if she lets him savoringly play with her boobs and fondle her butt, he'll massage whatever other body-parts that she requests him to soothe --- i.e., her feet, shoulder-blades, neck, etc. --- for a similar length of time as he pleasures his thirsting hands with her "choicest morsels".)
(1) If a guy allows a visiting gal to use his shower, she lets him accompany her into the shower and dreamily canoodle with her under the warm waterfall.
(2) If a misty-eyed guy wants to give a buxom gal a naked chest-to-chest hug, he'll soothingly massage her back all during said extended deeply-squeezy snuggle-session. (A variation on this "contract" would be that if she lets him savoringly play with her boobs and fondle her butt, he'll massage whatever other body-parts that she requests him to soothe --- i.e., her feet, shoulder-blades, neck, etc. --- for a similar length of time as he pleasures his thirsting hands with her "choicest morsels".)
standard reward by QuacksO July 4, 2018
heavy slumber
Where the larger of two lovers unknowingly dozes off while plastered overtop of the smaller one, either because he is exhausted from a long day and/or the recently-completed bouncy-bouncy with the smaller person, or he simply feels so drowsy and contentedly-relaxed with the other person's warm-fleshed presence pressed firmly against him that he can't stay awake. Extra points if, the next time he sleepily stirs, he actually becomes aware that he is squashing his companion underneath him, and so he rolls gently to the side so that he can still snuggle right up against his fellow canoodler but is no longer resting his entire ponderous bulk on top of said unfortunate "human mattress". Even more kudos-points if he also firmly arm-wraps the "underneath" person as he re-positions himself back down onto the bed, so that he rolls the other person right over with him and thus maintains the heavenly warm skin-to-skin contact with his cuddle-buddy in the process.
Huge marshmallow-hearted guy: I am so glad that Tiffany is fairly sturdy-figured, since I usually drift off into a heavy slumber after we make love and/or we give each other a soothing after-shower snuggle-massage.
heavy slumber by QuacksO July 4, 2018
Fifth Amendment
The infamously-controversial and widely-abused "white lightnin' defense" article in the Bill Of Rights. it allows for leniency based on whether the offender was intoxicated (ie., if he'd consumed a "fifth") during the commission of his crime.
Ollie North pled the Fifth Amendment during the Iran-Contra scandal, but I dunno... he sure as shootin' looked sober to me!
Fifth Amendment by QuacksO July 4, 2018
sphinctoral dilator
A medicinal/mechanical item used to reduce/eliminate embarrassing noisy farts in public. Just like a bronchial dilator, it serves to further widen/open a bodily "pipe", but just at (ahem!) the "other end of the equation". Having this artificially-unrestricted "exit" permits any produced methane to be immediately vented in a continuous and "silent" outflow, rather than the gas's being internally bottled up in an increasingly-pressurized "pocket", eventually to come blasting out in a horrid raspy spluttering explosive expulsion that either greatly offends or uproariously amuses everyone within earshot, and causes acute humiliation to the unfortunate farter, especially if his whizzpoppers are especially odiferous and/or frequent.
Baked-beans-and-stewed-cabbage-loving dude: Wearing my specially-designed sphinctoral dilator (a three-inch-long thick-walled aluminum tube with smoothly-rounded screw-threads for easier insertion) isn't exactly the most comfy experience, but it sure beats the offended glares and/or derisive snickers from others that I used to get whenever I'd venture out in public after a big meal.
sphinctoral dilator by QuacksO July 3, 2018
wizencrack
Great-grampa: My first vacuum cleaner was an Electrolux "Rail Slide", and it really SUCKED!
Child: Hee hee hee --- great wizencrack, Gramps!
Great-grampa: Thanks --- it gets better, too --- after the vaccum gave out, the smaller neighborhood kiddos rode on it like a sled.
Child: Hee hee hee --- great wizencrack, Gramps!
Great-grampa: Thanks --- it gets better, too --- after the vaccum gave out, the smaller neighborhood kiddos rode on it like a sled.
wizencrack by QuacksO July 2, 2018
Pap smear
(1) A public sullying of an innocent dude's name/reputation by falsely claiming that he is the father of your love-baby.
(2) A drop of blood or a cheek-swabbing that's applied to a glass lab-specimen-slide in preparation for a paternity-test. Often a follow-up action that's prompted by Definition #1.
(2) A drop of blood or a cheek-swabbing that's applied to a glass lab-specimen-slide in preparation for a paternity-test. Often a follow-up action that's prompted by Definition #1.
A sneaky new way for a crooked doctor to generate extra income during "slow periods of business" is to solicit one or more local unwed mothers to involve a fairly-well-off bachelor in a Pap smear, so that said unfortunate dude will be obliged to hire said doctor to perform a paternity-test to clear his name.
copportunist
An insanely-bored/touchy paranoid with a "trigger-happy" finger that's always poised over the "E-1" ("E-2" is for fire, "E-3" is for ambulance; enough said) auto-dial button on their telephone, just waiting for the flimsiest excuse to dial 9-1-1.
I avoid leaving bags of returnables along the road anywhere near that family's house, nor do I even stop to ask for a drink of water on a hot day --- they are such awful copportunists!
copportunist by QuacksO June 29, 2018