QuacksO's definitions

cover all the bases

Refers to where you behave responsibly during all of the progression through the various stages of intimacy, taking appropriate measures to protect both of you against undesirable things like infection or "accidental" pregnancy.

The best ways to "cover all the bases" with a new romantic partner are:
First base (i.e., hugging, holding hands, foot/back-rubs, etc.): Taking deeply-cleansing showers beforehand, brushing teeth, trimming hair and nails, etc.
Second base (i.e., kissing, close snuggling, sharing non-intimate full-body massages while wearing just a bathing suit or undies, etc.): Taking all steps described in "first base", plus using breath-fresheners, antiperspirants, soothing and/or aromatic oils, etc.
Third base (i.e., French kissing, naked cuddling, intimate massages, sleeping together, etc.): Taking all steps described in "first base" and "second base", plus having easy access to a warm/cold shower at all times, keeping the bedroom a comfy temperature, etc.
Fourth base (i.e., handjobs/blowjobs, "going all the way", etc.): Taking all steps described in first three "bases", plus having plenty of condoms and/or personal lubricant handy, keeping tissues and damp wash-cloths within easy reach to clean up "messy" aftermaths, having changes of sheets and pillowcases to put on the bed if necessary, etc.

by QuacksO November 6, 2021

Trumpgate

Can refer to either:
(1) The scandal that is already brewing over how "The Donald" ever got told "you're hired".
(2) Any of the guarded entrances to the yet-to-be-constructed "great wall" between the US and Mexico; construction could get underway a heck of a lot sooner if Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto would just get his ass in gear and agree to **pay for said wall**...

Did it ever occur to ol' Mussed-Up Hair that HE'S brought Trumpgate down upon HIMSELF due to his OWN blind arrogance and insufficient basic logical reasoning?? Hasn't it occurred to him that perhaps one of the main reasons he's having such a difficult time convincing President Nieto to pay for The Wall might be that Mexico simply DOESN'T POSSESS THE MONEY for such a colossal project?!?? Helloooooo --- the very reason that the wall is supposedly needed --- illegal Mexican immigration into the US to obtain employment --- is that so many Mexicans are too poor to sustain themselves in Mexico without supplemental income from the US, and so that indicates that there is ALREADY insufficient capital in Mexico MERELY TO PROVIDE A BASIC LIVING FOR ITS CITIZENS, let alone to provide additional funds to build a huge wall hundreds of miles long!

by QuacksO March 22, 2017

diabeetes

A supposedly-existing illness incurred from chowing down on too many disgusting-tasting/textured red globular veggies.

Eating beets won't give you "diabeetes" (and in fact, "said red" veggies may actually often **help** wif da "real deal" unstable-blood-sugar disorder), but if your toddler hates to eat dem, you don't need to force dem on him, since there are plenty of alternative foods dat will provide him wif comparable nutritional properties --- examples of usually-more-palatable-and-also-antioxidant-rich delicacies include blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, purple or red grapes, etc.

by QuacksO December 29, 2021

giggle-gurgle

Fizzy carbonated ("sparkling") water. So named because it gurgles on its way down yer throat, and ya giggle when it tickles yer tonsils.

Plain water or fruit juice is all well and good, but I love giggle-gurgle, especially on a hot day --- nuthin' like that bubbly "bite" to soothe your dry palate and "deeply" quench your thirst.

by QuacksO August 7, 2018

conscratchulations

Soothing applications of fingernails dat you give someone's back in praise/admiration for some major accomplishment dat he's attained, such as landing a job, getting a promotion, becoming engaged/married, etc.

Garfield likes to give Jon his own unique type of "conscratchulations" --- i.e., with the help of his eighteen paws-mounted "little friends" --- but somehow Jon never seems to appreciate said laudatory gestures nearly so much as Garfield enjoys administering them to him.

by QuacksO December 10, 2019

choruspond

What opera singers are doing --- they are conversing like normal people, only the words are all set to music.

I'm not much for musicals... a few --- like the Sound Of Music and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang --- are okay, but I quickly get weary of having to sit through all that long drawn-out choruspondence!

by QuacksO February 25, 2019

keelyougram

Da quantity/volume-measure of irritation dat causes Achmed to wanna do you in.

Perhaps if Jeff Dunham insisted dat Achmed attend anger-management classes, it would not take so minor of a displeasing event or remark to amount to a "keelyougram".

by QuacksO July 21, 2021