Definitions by QuacksO
cerealogical tests
Examinations and analyses of spilled/leftover Cheerios and cornflakes to determine what your diet is and its effects on your overall well-being.
Da doctors tried to run cerealogical tests on me, but seeing as how I usually "eat healthy" instead of voraciously chowing down on Fruit Loops or Peanut Butter Crunch, there wasn't much they could determine from a few scattered grains of brown rice and plain rolled-oats flakes.
cerealogical tests by QuacksO February 7, 2020
loco-motive
In "Petticoat Junction", da cantankerously-overbearing and money-hungry Homer Bedloe often formed a one-person/one-vehicle "loco-motive" --- whenever he missed da Hooterville Cannonball (usually doe to his own fumingly-distracted arrogance!), he had no alternative but to puffingly perform his infamous "Up, down! Up, down! Up, down!" routine --- i.e., operate da pump-handle-powered hand-car to undignifiedly transport himself down the miles of hot twisty tracks from Hooterville to Pixley.
loco-motive by QuacksO February 7, 2020
clothesure
Da conscious "putting to rest" of your emotional attachment to a nudist camp, enabling you to then "move on with your life" in the normal "fastened together and buttoned-up" garments-wearing world.
My skin-worshiping roommate at da Corpus Christie resort has such a fetish for my bare protoplasm dat he clipped all da buttons off my clothing so dat said garments would "hang open" when I wore them, and so I had to sew 'em all back on again before I could truly get "clothesure" afterwards.
clothesure by QuacksO February 7, 2020
alphabetical authorities
Da "top people" whom folks consult for advice/assistance on a variety of ordinary topics dat are randomly scattered about over da "ol' 26" in da English language.
Da seven most common types of alphabetical authorities are:
(1) hexpert --- someone who is super-familiar with voodoo and curses; hopefully he uses said vast witchcraft-knowledge to remove or alleviate said evil spells, not to put them on in da first place!
(2) mexpert --- an individual well-versed in all matters "south of da border".
(3) pexpert --- a plumber who is well-versed in da use of freeze-resistant plastic piping
(4) rexpert --- a learned bookworm on da subject of certain animals, either man's best friend or da huge hunched-over carnivores back in da Jurassic period.
(5) sexpert --- someone who can advise couples on achieving more satisfying intimacy.
(6) texpert --- a dude who knows all about da "black-tea"-rich southern-USA area dat is Ranger Walker's usual stompin' grounds.
(7) vexpert --- a human-nature guru with extensive experience on what pushes people's buttons; again --- as in da first example above --- presumably he uses said know-how to help **reduce** already-existing frustration/distress in others, not to purposely exhibit destructive behavior dat would cause people to **become** wound up when they had felt reasonably calm before! (Da infamous "gettin', getters, got"exchange between Madea and Dr. Phil comes to mind.)
(1) hexpert --- someone who is super-familiar with voodoo and curses; hopefully he uses said vast witchcraft-knowledge to remove or alleviate said evil spells, not to put them on in da first place!
(2) mexpert --- an individual well-versed in all matters "south of da border".
(3) pexpert --- a plumber who is well-versed in da use of freeze-resistant plastic piping
(4) rexpert --- a learned bookworm on da subject of certain animals, either man's best friend or da huge hunched-over carnivores back in da Jurassic period.
(5) sexpert --- someone who can advise couples on achieving more satisfying intimacy.
(6) texpert --- a dude who knows all about da "black-tea"-rich southern-USA area dat is Ranger Walker's usual stompin' grounds.
(7) vexpert --- a human-nature guru with extensive experience on what pushes people's buttons; again --- as in da first example above --- presumably he uses said know-how to help **reduce** already-existing frustration/distress in others, not to purposely exhibit destructive behavior dat would cause people to **become** wound up when they had felt reasonably calm before! (Da infamous "gettin', getters, got"exchange between Madea and Dr. Phil comes to mind.)
alphabetical authorities by QuacksO February 7, 2020
bassics
One of da bassics of setting up a household stereo system is to consider da auditory comfort of other nearby humans when determining how much power to have in your amplifier, especially if you have large loudspeakers and/or love "heavy-thumpy-thump" music like rock or country... remember how da natives in da jungle would communicate with large drums because low-frequency sounds carry very well over long distances. Dat's why you can hear a hot-rodder "'way down da road" if he's got da volume on his in-dash stereo pumped up too loud.
unclebodies
Unlike "antie-bodies" which help to neutralize/eliminate da threat of harmful bacteria and other unwanted nasties in your circulatory system, these destructive blood-proteins actually ASSIST or SPEED UP da attack on your body's well-being. This is often a major reason dat your parent's sister may look relatively (pun not intended, but it's still hilarious! :P) slim and healthy, whereas her husband will be bloated and groaningly unwell.
A famous $10,000-winner (i.e., first prize for humor and/or adorable cuteness) video on AFV featured a small boy wincingly gagging down an escargot; he had been intensely concerned about the nicotine-habit of his parent's huge brawny brother whom he "loved to death" (pun intended that time!), and thus he had been pleadingly on said lumbering leviathan case to get him to quit da cancer-sticks which were no doubt producing unclebodies in said beloved male relative's blood ("I really savor your companionship and playing sports wif you, Uncle Bob, and so I don't wanna have you die before your time!"); said good-natured coffin-nails-puffer had therefore obligingly offered to abstain from da Winstons and Marlboros till at least da rest of da summer if his pint-sized nephew would try just one gourmet snail (probably he greatly enjoyed said "delicacies" himself, but so far had only met with disgusted revulsion when offering them to his brother's young son), and so said dedicated lad was willing to go through a bit of gastronomical agony himself to help save his towering uncle's health.
unclebodies by QuacksO February 7, 2020