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Lon's definitions

jackoffsturbate

A combination between the phrase "jacking off" and the word "masturbate." Only used when you're extremely horny.
Holy shit, watching that porno made me so damn horny. I'm going to go home and jackoffsturbate.
by Lon August 18, 2005
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mad minute

A math game given to elementary school students to help them learn their multiplication tables.

The premise of the game, is that you are given three rows of ten basic multiplicaton problems, in which you are supposed to answer as many as you can in sixty seconds. If you manage to finish them all, you move on to 4, 5, and 6 rows.
I was the Mad Minute champion in grade school.
by Lon September 5, 2005
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Vanna White Job

The task of standing up and manually changing the channel on the television control panel to find something entertaining to watch while your friends and family sit there and force you to keep changing the channels.
I stood up to get some pizza, but instead, I got stuck with the Vanna White Job.
by Lon December 28, 2005
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squeaky toy

A toy, typically made of rubber or plastic that has a small in one part and is filled with air. When squeezed, it lets out a mildly humorous high pitched "squeak" that gets old really fast. Dogs love them.
"Oh my god take that damn squeaky toy away from the dog. It's driving me insane."
by Lon May 5, 2005
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Midichlorian

In the Star Wars universe, Midichlorian's are chemical compounds found within every living cell that forms the basis between the connection life and the Force. Without midichlorians, life would be impossible. According to Star Wars lore, the amount of midichlorians in a life from represents it's ability to understand, comprehend, and manipulate the Force.

According to Qui-Gon Jinn, in Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Anakin Skywalker had the highest midichlorian count in any life form ever detected. That count was 20,000 per cell. This number was even higher than Yoda's.

However, one can only hypothesize how many midichlorians Anakin's son, Luke had.
Midichlorians fundamentally connect you to the Force.
by Lon May 25, 2005
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glitch gamer

A person who repeatedly uses an AI glitch in a video game to their advantage. This is seen most often on sports titles, with Madden NFL Football and NCAA Football having some of the biggest known glitches.

These "glitches" are nearly impossible to defend against, since they are a flaw in the programming of the application.
This bastard throws a Hail Mary on every play and completes the pass 85% of the time. In real life, this does not happen.
by Lon August 10, 2005
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mormon

A group of people who are Christians but place great importance in the Book of Mormon, for which there is little evidence for.

The Book of Mormon claims that there was vast civilizations all along the east coast of America.

Too bad we haven't even found a pot to support that claim.
I can find the verse in the Bible that proves the Book of Mormon wrong.
by Lon May 15, 2005
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