Jeffrey Douglas's definitions

grab-a-granny

The best thing to do when you are dumped by your girlfriend. go out and pull an old bird. the game consists of a pack of young males who attempt to shag the brains out of an attractive OLDER woman. Fuelled by booze these young males are letting themselves in for months of ribbing. Another problem is; when on boxing day, this one night stand turns up and is your mum's best friend, or dad's ex.

Alternatively, grab-a-granny could mean mugging a female pensioner.

Mark: "Oh no, i'm crushed. My janine has dumped me. Oh, woe is me."
Keith: "No worries bud. We're out tonight and we'll partake in grab-a-granny"

OR

Baz: "I need some cash for some crack and a whore."
Bez: "Ok, let's grab-a-granny, and claim it was noel edmonds."

by Jeffrey Douglas November 24, 2006

yellow pages

1) Big book which has many uses

2) your history coursework after you've "accidently" pissed on it.

1) Uses of the yellow pages;
Finding dominatrixes
Making short/dumpy girls easier to kiss
Destroying your enemies
Fuel for your fire, when you run out of babies
and many, many more

2)
Jack: "OH! SHIT! I just pissed on my History coursework! just look at these yellow pages!"

by Jeffrey Douglas November 20, 2006

Vinegar

Condiment, essential to any honky white man's supper. Tasting of Quail eggs, HE-MAN once remarked "My goodness, i wouldn't be where i am today if it were not for Vinegar's acidity"

Yes Vinegar is tax-free, and for good reason, for indeed a dak chapter of Atlantis' history, is where they tried to tax vinegar, and the city sank like an unsinkable liner without sufficient lifeboats.

"oh man i love vinegar"

"how dare you tax my vin,,,,mnmmmgh,,hmd blop blop blop"

by Jeffrey Douglas August 31, 2006

12

Without any doubt what so ever, 12 is the greatest number of all time. it's not likely that anyone does'nt know this but for those of you who want to be reminded of just how good 12 is here... Months in a Year? Hours in a.m? some of the finest rugby players have worn 12, the number of the inside centre jersey in union. The board of friends officialy recognized this, and one of it's main aims is to spread the knowledge of this fact. In the history of the universe,only 12 things have happened, numer 3 being dinosaurs and number 11 being star wars. this isn't a crackpot theory, throughout any given day you will see at least three 12 references. Snoop Dogg's favourite number is also 12.

"everyone knows 12 is great. even dead people still appreciate the 12th of the month"

by Jeffrey Douglas August 6, 2006

Javert

Inspector Javert is the nemesis of the criminal sissy Jean Valjean in Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. He is suave, sophisticated, handsome and aboove all ruthless. He was born inside a jail (or a Gaol) and accidentally (and unfortunately) fell off a bridge to his death. To show what a real man Javert was it is important to look at his work. He was a undercover agent, infiltrating the sweaty student rebellion in gay paris. He was an awesome police officer, never giving up the chase. Indeed, Javert was, to anyone, a role model.

Javert is also a verb, derived from the same meaning. To javert someone is to never stop chasing them up for something.

"I'm Javert, do not forget me, do not forget my name, 24601"

"Oh geezer, my german teacher is really javerting me for my homework, maybe i should Jean Valjean it"

by Jeffrey Douglas August 13, 2006

miss of the season

1. term used by commentators to describe a footballers sometimes hilarious miss.

2. term used by friends to mock a male who has failed to shag the town bike

John Motson: "Rooney, Giggs and Ronaldo, now surely, Ye - Oh - no! miss of the season. Piss poor shot from Ronaldo

Kev: "As if you didn't bang Sally, she is soo easy!"
Gav: "Yea but i forgot my rhohypnol"
Kev: "Oh, mate, miss of the season!"

by Jeffrey Douglas November 19, 2006

tip-off

A tip off is a handy piece of information given by one to another. Tip-offs have been used in history (see the examples).

Regular tip-off;
"Look out Bill, he's a Queer."

Historical tip-off;
"Look, here, Hitler has said Peace in our time!"
"Nah, bollocks nev, he's a Queer."

by Jeffrey Douglas November 23, 2006