Jeffrey Douglas's definitions

bottle opener

The key to a cold, refreshing and delicious paradise.
The worst thing to forget when going camping.

One lads night out in a tent...
Jake: "Finally, now where's that bottle opener!?"
Bill: "<Rummage> OH SHIT!"
Jake: "You wonky bollocks bastard!"

by Jeffrey Douglas December 6, 2006

stonewall penalty

A complete, absolute and certain penalty kick in football.

A defender shooting a forward in the penalty area with a BAZOOKA is a stonewall penalty.

by Jeffrey Douglas November 25, 2006

daft bint

Naive female, often perceived as stupid. One who would buy Chantelle's biography and label it a "good read".

Sarah: "That iraq place must be really hot!"
Dave: "Why so?"
Sarah: "Well, look at these pictures! It is so hot there these cars just catch on fire!"
Dave: "You daft bint. Iron my shirt, wench!"

by Jeffrey Douglas November 5, 2006

big hit

A powerful awesome tackle in rugby that will seriously hurt your opponent and make him think twice before trying to run past you with the ball again!

Iain Roberts: "And it's Lottie Tuqiri breaking down the right, and ... ouch.... ooh... a BIG HIT from Sean Lamont! He won't be getting up from that. Look at that dent in the turf now! Oh, what a mess."

by Jeffrey Douglas November 25, 2006

Goethe

Johann wolfgang von Goethe was born in 1749 in Frankfurt, Germany. It would be correct to remark he put german culture on the map. Famous for Faust, Heidelroslein and The sorrows of young Werther. Coined the phrase "pretentious, moi?". All in all, abit of a floppy sausage, and is still annoying people today through education and the Goetheinstitute.

It would be unfair to say he was useless, as he coined a phrase in german that translates as "lick my arse", genius.

"mmm, goethe was important, but a bit of a tool wasnt he?"
"yes he was!"
"nice hair though"

by Jeffrey Douglas August 31, 2006

fuckshitfuckshitfuck

Exclamation. describing state of panic.

fuckshitfuckshitfuck could be used for the following;

Opening a parachute but to no effect.

Realising you did not pay attention to your instructions on your exam paper and forgot to answer BOTH questions.

Putting your hand in your back pocket to pay your tab at a bar to discover you never took your wallet.

Having your johnny burst during private time with the missus.

Looking at the black guy using the urinal next to you, who is incidentally twice your size, with you dressed for a party as a grand wizard of the K.K.K.

by Jeffrey Douglas November 15, 2006

tablature

Musical letters for weird musical types (esp. guitar). Used by people who depress others with their guitar playing in a large communal area by playing Jack Johnson ballads or Damien Rice derges.

Fred: "Life is bleak man, so i'm gonna play this depressing song i learned from tablature"
Ewan, looking depressed.

by Jeffrey Douglas September 18, 2008