Jeffrey Douglas's definitions

yellow pages

1) Big book which has many uses

2) your history coursework after you've "accidently" pissed on it.

1) Uses of the yellow pages;
Finding dominatrixes
Making short/dumpy girls easier to kiss
Destroying your enemies
Fuel for your fire, when you run out of babies
and many, many more

2)
Jack: "OH! SHIT! I just pissed on my History coursework! just look at these yellow pages!"

by Jeffrey Douglas November 20, 2006

slave ship

Comparison to be used when describing a tightly packed area, or mode of transport. Comes from when the slave trade was in full swing, and P&O ferries dropped their standards to optimise profit margins.

Harry: "Joshua! This train is bloody packed! It's worse than a bleeding slave ship!"
Josh: "Yea, i know. Smell's 'n' all!"

by Jeffrey Douglas November 20, 2006

tip-off

A tip off is a handy piece of information given by one to another. Tip-offs have been used in history (see the examples).

Regular tip-off;
"Look out Bill, he's a Queer."

Historical tip-off;
"Look, here, Hitler has said Peace in our time!"
"Nah, bollocks nev, he's a Queer."

by Jeffrey Douglas November 23, 2006

window of opportunity

A time where the chance for action (usually, but not always, sexual in nature) arises. When one sees such a chance, one must grab it (or, if you will, jump through the window of opportunity).

1. The Sexual Window of Opportunity. . .
Where one comes across a girl drinking a pint, and casually slips her a tab of rohypnol, thus creating a window of opportunity for easy sex later.

2. The non-Sexual Window of Opportunity. . .
Where one sees and old lady struggling with heavy shopping, the window of opportunity arises to help her. Remove a baguette, whack her over the head, and take her purse and sausages.

by Jeffrey Douglas February 1, 2007

Do a dad

Doing a dad is an act that is hilarious to those all around you but their laughter only drives you into the downward spiral known as doing a dad. Doing a dad shoots your emotive side into overdrive warp speed. It can start off small, but the tears keep coming until all that is left of someone doing a dad is a blithering mound of tears sniffles and soiled handkerchiefs. All it takes is a few jokes at the person's expense like prodding their man-breasts and saying "Gor blimey, they're like titties them, tubbs", then the water works come on much to the amusement of the audience.

The phrase comes from a real person, with real emotional displays, who regulary did a dad. Do a dad is now a common phrase all over the world, usually preceeded by don't.

Chris: "Waddle waddle! Ha! Bill, you walk like a penguin!"
Bill: "MMnnn. Boo hoo! <cry cry cry>"
Tom: "Oh god, don't cry about it!"
Chris: "Oh! C'mon don't do a dad."

by Jeffrey Douglas September 3, 2006

miss of the season

1. term used by commentators to describe a footballers sometimes hilarious miss.

2. term used by friends to mock a male who has failed to shag the town bike

John Motson: "Rooney, Giggs and Ronaldo, now surely, Ye - Oh - no! miss of the season. Piss poor shot from Ronaldo

Kev: "As if you didn't bang Sally, she is soo easy!"
Gav: "Yea but i forgot my rhohypnol"
Kev: "Oh, mate, miss of the season!"

by Jeffrey Douglas November 19, 2006

hard work

1) description of a task that requeires (too) much effort to complete.

2) description of a customer who breaks your balls making you do whatever they want and still leaving unsatisfied.

1)

" I was shagging that bird over from Hull last night, and it was only when i looked at her face i realised it was too much hard work. "

2)

" Jesus, he was hard work. Comes in here, asks for a pizza, with a pasta bake for a topping and a tiramusu for a side. And this is a Fish & Chip shop! Twat.

by Jeffrey Douglas December 12, 2008