Fearman's definitions

Drowns Syndrome

Term used in referring to an urban myth according to which you may drown if you swim too soon after a meal; apparently you get a cramp and promptly go kerplunk to the bottom. The safe time after the meal, when you can safely swim again, is said to be one hour in Northern Europe, while in Hispanic culture it is often said to be three hours, which is longer than most people spend at the beach. Thought up way back when by some lazy mom who wanted to take a nap in the sun and couldn't bother her ass to look out for the kids; unfortunately it has entered the folk wisdom and some adults end up believing it. Cramps can actually afflict a person at any time and do not adversely affect one's buoyancy in the water. Neither do they do too much damage to your swimming skills, unless perhaps you are participating in an Olympic event. They are more likely to happen as a reaction to exposure to cold water. If you are in an environment where, perhaps due to currents, a cramp could be the difference between life and death, you shouldn't be there, cramps or no cramps. Just ask yourself; have you ever heard a pathologist or coroner announce that the cause of someone's death was "swimming on a full stomach"? No, I didn't think so.

Jimmy was running and screaming along the shore and his mommy was feeling lazy and couldn't be bothered looking out for him, so she invoked Drowns Syndrome.

by Fearman September 27, 2007

55

1. Orange drink Britvic tried flogging about twenty years ago.

2. Maximum age at which a woman generally looks sexy to a sex-starved guy in his late twenties.

3. Maximum speed it is safe to hover around on a 60 mph speed limit road with speed traps likely to be around the curve.

New Britvic 55, new Britvic 55, NEW!!!

She's still gorgeous at 55, and there's definitely no chance of knocking her up.

I'm doing 55. Better not push it with the cops out.

by Fearman November 20, 2007

hitmen

Adorable people. Whatever you do to them, you don't feel bad.

Comment on you average hitman:

I love hitmen. Whatever you do to them, you don't feel bad.

- Marv (Mickey Rourke) in Sin City (dirs. Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez, 2005).

by Fearman November 28, 2007

multimortamicrocanisequiphobia

Morbid fear of becoming the defendant in a class action suit taken on behalf of a large number of dead chihuahuas. Or by a large number of undead chihuahuas.

By the time you find yourself suffering from multimortamicrocanisequiphobia, it's time to decompress.

by Fearman November 22, 2007

Drowns Syndrome

Urban myth that blames drowning incidents on swimmers entering the water too soon after a meal; supposedly you get cramps and go kerplunk to the bottom. Used by lazy parents who want to get some decent shut-eye after a picnic. Some adults go on actually believing it too. In fact, cramps can affect you at any time and not particularly after a meal; if they hit you in the water they will not adversely affect your buoyancy nor even do too much damage to your swimming skills. If you are in water where, perhaps due to currents, this affliction would likely make the difference between life and death, you shouldn't be there, cramps or no cramps.

Just ask yourself; what do you think the odds would be if you went up to a coroner or pathologist and asked them if they had ever filed a cause of someone's death as "swimming on a full stomach?" No, I didn't think so.

Jimmy was screaming and running along the water's edge and his mum was too fat and lazy to watch out for her kids like she ought to, so she invoked Drowns Syndrome.

by Fearman December 15, 2008

Humpty Dumpty word

Word used to mean whatever the speaker wants it to mean at the time, usually without further elucidation. From the character of Humpty Dumpty in Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carroll (Charles Lutwidge Dodgson).

'When I use a word,' Humpty Dumpty said, in a rather scornful tone,' it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less.' ...
- Through the Looking Glass

Here come the right-wingers to this referendum. Expect to hear a lot about natural laws, family values and other Humpty Dumpty words.

by Fearman December 23, 2007

catpiss

Nonsense, balderdash. Tiresome old pseudo-argument regurgitated ad nauseam.

She was giving me the same old catpiss about how she couldn't get to work on time because she'd never expected the traffic to be so heavy.

by Fearman November 11, 2007