Fearman's definitions

necrocam

1. Internet movie made on a shoestring in the Netherlands about a group of three beautifully morbidly obsessed (or perhaps just eternally curious) teenagers who vow that the first of them to die will have the process of his/her decomposition broadcast on the Web from a camera installed in his/her well-lit coffin. Darkly witty, even if its reputation seems to exceed its availability.

2. Any similar setup in real life (or real death, I suppose). Unclear at the time of writing if anyone has actually done this, although there is at least one fake version on the Web. In theory there may or may not be cybernetically accessible environmental controls, more than one camera, et cetera.

I managed to download Necrocam a few years back. Gross, but intriguing.

Pamela says she wants necrocam coverage when she dies. Everyone to their own taste.

by Fearman April 10, 2008

Heston over your firearms

To die. Derived from "hand over your firearms", and the quote from the late Charlton Heston, "you can have my gun when you prise it from my cold dead hands".

First you marry, then you have 2.7 kids, then you eat quiche, then you Heston over your firearms.

Both my grandfathers had Hestoned over their firearms before I was born.

by Fearman April 13, 2008

siderodromophobia

Morbid fear of train travel.

John's got siderodromophobia. When he goes across country he flies, drives or takes the bus.

by Fearman January 4, 2008

racist

1) Anyone who claims that people of different skin colours can't get their asses out of bed in the morning. Typically someone who can't be bothered getting his or her own ass out of bed in the morning.

2) Term thrown back at anyone who DARES to criticise Jews or Moslems.

He's a racist. Every time he goes to the Social Welfare offices, which is often, he makes a point of sneering at all the Blacks and Pakistanis who are reduced to the same situation.

You DARE criticise the Taliban? You Racist!

You DARE criticise the State of Israel? You Anti-Semitic racist pig!

by Fearman September 6, 2007

achocalypse

And yea, I saw descend from Heaven a great brown horse; and the brown horse came down to earth with a crisp clopping bumpy motion and burst open in a shower of delicious brown squares; and all the people gathered around were crying hallelujah with chocolate smeared on their faces until the very cracks of doom.

The above was from the Achocalypse of Saint John the Chocoholic.

by Fearman May 24, 2008

Benedict XVI

(As of 2007) current occupant of the Throne of Peter. Talks a fair amount about gays in rather shrill tones. Likes to hide behind other powerful men before coming into the limelight, as he did as the author of many of Karol Wojtyla's bulls. Really has a fabulous wardrobe. Last seen slinking around St. Peter's in a pair of ruby slippers, just like Judy. Has a birth name meaning rat-catcher, good job he got his current post so he can shed that skin and emerge from his chryalis transformed into a beautiful butterfly. Most beloved closet queen on the planet. After all, he may come from the backwoods of Deutschland, but deep down he knows, there's no place like Rome, there's no place like Rome (click click) there's no place like Rome.

Benedict XVI, I've got your number.

by Fearman August 21, 2007

Tom Cruise

I'm in love (yippee!!!) and I hate psychiatrists (fucking nut jobs, all of them, ALL OF THEM), who are out to control the world (trembles for a few moments) and drop hydrogen bombs on everybody (BIG ones, yeahhh). Hey, have you seen my girlfriend? (BOINNNGGG!!) I'm wild! You're cool, too! (Pulls hair out, laughs.) No, seriously? Oh. (Grows sullen.) Oh. (Grows REALLY sullen.) Oh. Why would you want to do that to me? No, seriously, why would you want to do that to me? Why? Why? Why would you want to do that to me? (Jumps up on couch, pulls dramatic stance, couch falls backward, he crawls up to kneel on the front of the seat.) They've hated me ever since I played a veteran of the Great Galactic War between the Thetans and the Engrammatised Ones. (Goes boggle-eyed, cackles, shrieks ...,) We're all going to be bigger than Oprah! (YAY!) And it makes me sick, you know that? Why isn't everyone looking at me RIGHT NOW? And you know what? I'm NOT GAY!!! Mimi! Ha! Nicole! Ha! Penelope! Ha! Katie, aww, KATIIEEE!!! Ha-haaaaaaaaaaaa! Here, I can lick my own balls, seriously. Just watch me ... (Licks own balls, audience stampede out of the auditorium.)

The above was a party political broadcast on behalf of Tom Cruise.

by Fearman April 16, 2008