Fearman's definitions

love

Love? Considerably over-rated. Biochemically indistinguishable from the effects of consuming large quantities of chocolate.

- Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate

Love? Considerably over-rated. Biochemically indistinguishable from the effects of consuming large quantities of chocolate.

- Al Pacino, The Devil's Advocate

by Fearman February 14, 2008

serendipity

Something pleasant or useful found while looking for something else. Inspired by a Persian fairy story, "The Three Princes of Serendip".

I initially wanted to date Moira, but she turned out to be an awful bore and she snorted when she laughed, which I can't stand. She did however get me in touch with a car dealer who makes really cool custom cars, top quality and dirt cheap, three of which I bought within a year. That was a real piece of serendipity.

by Fearman April 9, 2008

ego-warrior

Species of environmental activist (Gimius Limelitius), that sadly is nowhere near the endangered list. Considers itself waaay above any kind of requirement to deal in accurate information, to think rationally, or to treat the opposition fairly. Exists across a range of habitats, including fields of actually or allegedly transgenic crops (preferred activity: uprooting), banks of TV cameras (preferred activity: indulging in purple and impassioned pleas to rest of population that generally involve mentioning children) and rooms set aside for public debate with scientists (preferred activities: screaming, name calling, pulling hair and storming out in a huff). Its favourite habitat, though, is up a tree, preferably as high a tree as possible and especially one that stands along the route of a planned motorway. The species reproduces itself by way of books and websites featuring the kind of fuzzy logic once associated with the likes of Charles Berlitz. It associates mostly or entirely with its own kind and its only predator is Homo Scientificus Rationalis, or so it claims. Often covered in carbuncles, some of which may be mistaken for quartz crystals, and may smell musky or musty, depending on the weather. Claims to be herbivorous. Among biologists, opinion is divided between whether this species represents part of the order of mammals, or that of reptiles. Others say there is just something fishy about it.

Look at those ego-warriors, uprooting your man's sugar beet and claiming to be out to save the Earth.

by Fearman August 19, 2007

speciesist

Derogatory term for someone who regards our fellow humans as more worthy of our care and attention than other forms of life, used by the kind of person who wants everyone to be eaten by lions on the Serengheti.

I'm a human, I'm a speciesist and I'm proud of it.

by Fearman September 5, 2007

nigyrophobia

Fear of black helicopters.

Just because you've got nigyrophobia, doesn't mean the CIA aren't operating McDonalds as a front for the Rosicrucians.

by Fearman October 30, 2007

Fred Phelps

Charming Middle American country gentleman who lives with his family in a nice big house/church and preaches hatred of gays, lesbians, bisexuals, liberals, most of America and pretty much most of the planet. For some esoteric reason only his relatives want to stay in the church, and you have to be a member to marry a member, which keeps their straight teeth fluoridated and their fingers on their banjos. Fred has at least one 69 session with Satan every night, and hopes that if he does it well enough long enough he'll get his soul back. Ya gadda have faith.

That's Fred Phelps. No liberals, no gays, not a shred of what the uninformed call basic human decency, just Fred. Yeeeeee-haaay boah!

This is Fred Phelps speaking. Rumours that Saddam Hussein stole away my significant other are totally unfounded.

by Fearman November 26, 2007

boarding school rations

Tiny helpings of food, or revolting quality food. Self-explanatory.

The plaice was three inches long and had a maggot in it. Why are we reduced to these boarding school rations?

by Fearman August 7, 2007