☆★Midas★☆'s definitions

fun-sized mommy

The sexiest chick you'll ever fucking see, she'll burn your eyes just by looking at her. She's even sexier than Marigold! Her white drooping pussyflaps are the sexiest size. Her nice sweaty pussy fits the just perfect girth and length of your cock, she's perfect. Her white titties are full of fun, she will come home every night from work just to slightly barely unbutten her shirt to show the tops of her tits, she will make you turn on brighter than the fucking sun. Your dick fits in her cleaveage perfectly, just making it the perfect conditions to cum so far in her throat. She will have you dominate you like a country in WW2. She will ride you SO HARD you will shoot your cum up her gaping white butthole like Hitler shooting the Americans. She will dominate you, she wants you, and you... whoever reading this, deserve the world.

Hey Midas, hows your wife, Marigold?
Me: Oh, Her, Yaah, I found myself a fun-sized mommy last night and I fucking owned that pussy like a monopoly plot.
Hmmm... I'm kinda jealous

Me: Oh you... wanna play??

Her: Oh fun! Whadd'ya have?

Me: *lip bites while blushing*
Her: Ohhh... that game... *strips*

Me: My dick will fit! FUCKIN' FIT I MEAN!

Her: OooooOoOooOOooh Daddy harder... Ohhhhh *squirts*

Me: Well I was gonna make a sextape but I nutted so fast it's a gif. Oh well...

by ☆★Midas★☆ February 3, 2022

If your girlfriend has...

...a scar on her right eye.
One golden left eye.
Has black hair.
Is pale as can fucking be.
and has nice breasts and a good 2 inch cleavage...
That's not your girlfriend
Thats my fucking wife... Marigold.

Jules: Hey dad look, I'm lesbian!
Me: THATS A SIN! GIVE ME THAT OR ELSE GOD WILL FUCKING SEND YOU TO HELL!
Me: Oh, some nice tits.

Wait... If your girlfriend has...
WAIT THAT'S YOUR MOM
Jules: Lgbtqia+
Me: The I stands for incest...

Jules: DAD WAIT...
Me: *Strips her*
Jules: Oh daddy please no oh my god not again daddy wait hol o- OOoOoOoooOhhhh. AhhhhhHaAAA Oh daddy harder ohhhh. Stick- OooooOOOOooOaaaaahHH

Me: *cums*

by ☆★Midas★☆ January 31, 2022

My name is...

Walter Hartwell White, I live at 308 negra arroyo lane albequerque New Mexico 87104, I have recently smuggled methanphetamine from across the United States. I have a drug problem consisting of where I FAP to my daughter's selfies, I also have attachment issues with my wife so I hot glued my penis inside her. I also broke into your house and stole your wallet, I also broke into your child's bedroom and proceeded to then masturbate to his 'sextapes' he makes on his Nintendo 3DS at 12 am. All while twerking on his nose, I also broke into Alcatraz and fucked a dead corpse, which was actually a corroded stripping pole in Handurez, speaking of Mexico, I have shipped your wife to Argentina, where she will get a BDSM session for exactly 48 hours straight.

My name is... big fat mama llama.

by ☆★Midas★☆ March 27, 2022

Ptenis

When you type "penis" but make the most 'dumbass' typo. (because p and t are 5 keys apart)

Man: "Search up ptenis"
Google: "Do you mean 'pterodactyl penis'?"
Man: "No"
Google: Shuts off computer

by ☆★Midas★☆ November 22, 2021

litemare

A nightmare that doesn't make you shit your pants in your sleep of fear, just only a little bit.

Hey baby you have a nightmare?
Husband: No i had a litemare you poop.

by ☆★Midas★☆ January 12, 2022

homosomatic typing

Homo- Same
Somato- Body
Typing the name of the body part corresponding to the one you are typing it with. I.E. typing "nose" with your nose.

Tim: Nose
Haha I typed "nose" with my nose!
Jake: Heart
Tim: Jake...?
Jake: ...
Tim: Jake, WhAt ThE fUcK?!
Tim: ...
Jake: HOMOSOMATIC TYPING...
Tim: AHHH SHIT, WHAT THE FU-

by ☆★Midas★☆ February 21, 2022

🧡

Meaning in love with somebody, but not enough to want to fuck them and/or be fucked by them. And/or meaning because gay people exist SMH.

Me: Hey there’s Alyssa, my crush!
Joseph: Why don’t you ask her out to sex?
Me: Well… I don’t love love her… only a little bit.
Joseph: Whuddup baby girl?
Her: 🧡
Me: Lol she actually doesn’t want to get fucked by you! Lol 😂!
Her: *comes up to me* ❤️
Me: 🖕😎👌

by ☆★Midas★☆ February 8, 2022