mega brain fart

When you have the motivation to do something useful after work, only for you to sit down and play video games and whine about how little time you have to do something useful every day.

Negrito: I know I said I’d do it after work, but I’m tired right now and I think I deserve to nap.
George: What the mega brain fart was that? Get up and do the dishes, laundry, cooking, plumbing, lighting, cleaning, kitchen, bathroom, and universe right now young man.
Negrito: *depressed*

by ☆★Midas★☆ February 21, 2024

Mick and Rorty

Ok you ever read that book of captain underpants where they went to an alternate world? Yeah, like that, so, there is this dumbass scientist who sucks shit at alchemy and other things that reqiure at least 1 brain cell. And this smartass fucktard who has to follow this white wigga down the road as a human shield.

Dude 69: Hey dudes lets watch frick and morty!
Dude 420: No i like mick and rorty R-tard!

by ☆★Midas★☆ January 10, 2022

Totem_pole

A total asshole, they always have to have a damn opinion, they always have a fucking opinion. Mostly against the Americans with the stupid "Oooh they're fatasses 'cuz they are in the United States!". You do not deserve to be in this situation, he's a humongous dipshit who can go up Satan's flaming arsehole.

Totem_pole: Haha Americans use the word "ass" because their retarded fatasses can't say arse correctly.
Me: Well yo ass can't shut the fuck up because YOUR know it all smartass is full of shit!
Totem_poledancerthatsugly: Haha shit-sagging American suck my dick!
Me: No you fuckwit! I'm European. I mean... crikey! Seems like YOU'VE been the one stacking on all the maccas!
Totem_shit: What?
Me: I hope you get bitten in the leg by a kangaroo!

by ☆★Midas★☆ February 27, 2022

Wish-Wosh

The act of gaining a sexy lassie's trust only to give'r the ol' "quarter pounder with balls".

Jules: Dad, have you seen my phone?
Me: Come in my room, it might be anywhere...
Jules: Ok!
Later...
(Muffled) Dad stop i'm only 15.
Me: That's what she said, and that's what you're 'bout to say soon...
Jules: What?
Me: *lip bites naughtily*
Jules: OoooOooOOOooh daddy yes! Give it to me! Gimme the ol' wish-wosh

by ☆★Midas★☆ February 07, 2022

5

Five.
Quin.
2.5x2.
Quintupled.

There are 5 ladys getting naked.

by ☆★Midas★☆ February 20, 2022

🏳️ 🌈

A sin, unless you are a femboy.

I’m gay lol. 🖕🐵🏳️ 🌈
Me: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GET AWAY FROM ME!!!
Gayass: IM A FEMBOY THO!
Me: Welcome to the club you are fine then…

by ☆★Midas★☆ February 08, 2022

Sex Plagiarism

The person who copies the definition for sex into their own definitions for fucking credit.

James pulled off his pants. "I wanna have sex with you, babes." James pressed Sabrina against the wall covering her lips with his, and thrust his tongue into her mouth. James reached behind Sabrina, pulling her clothes off and pushed her onto his bed. He stuck three fingers up her dripping pussy and pumped the walls of her vagina. Then, his fingers found her G-spot, and he pushed down hard on it. "Oooh, harder, harder!" James pushed harder, and white cum shot out of her vagina. James lowered his head and probed her pussy with his tongue. Sabrina helped by pushing his head between her legs with her hands. "Your tongue is like magic," He responded by pushing even harder, making her cum. Then, he sat up and shoved her head between his legs. James' cock was so long, the entire thing wouldn't fit into Sabrina's mouth. She moved her head up and down, sucking on each ball carefully. Then, she pumped the cock into her mouth until he cummed. Then, she seized his fat, dripping penis with her hands and rubbed it up and sex plagiarism

by ☆★Midas★☆ January 26, 2022