Linux is one of the most powerful contraceptives ever. The more one learns about Linux, the more powerful its fertility-stealing powers become.

Typical Linux users are a sensitive lot. This is because their entire self-esteem is tied up in knowing obscure piping and scripting techniques that nobody in the real world gives a fuck about. Supposedly, this makes them smarter. If a Linux user feels threatened about the coming obsolescence of his beloved OS, untold havoc will be unleashed. This will eventually produce lulz. For this reason, we reveal here the easiest ways to troll a Linux message board or IRC channel.

*If the subject of distros comes up, reply, "Yes, but what can <insert distro name> do that Ubuntu can't do?

*Claim that the Windows kernel design is better than Linux.

*Warn everyone that Mactel will destroy Desktop Linux

*Ask "But can it run BSD?"

*If the subject of CLI comes up, reply, "But you could do that with DOS twenty years ago!"

*Predict that Solaris will eventually destroy Linux

*Make completly baseless claims that you are the CEO of a major corportion (don't specify which one!) and say you see no future in Linux.

*Tell everyone that Linux isn't ready for grandma

*Quote Theo de Raadt

*Remind all Linux users that they are still virgins

*Point out that the BSD License is infinitely superior to the GPL

*Incessantly ask every user about what parts of the code in their kernel were stolen from SCO.

*Let it be known that you appreciate Clippy

*Ask if Wine can run <insert program here> yet.

*Use the phrase "total cost of ownership."

*Ask for advise on finding quality Linux games.

*Say that Linux is inferior for development because it doesn't have Visual Basic .NET

*Make it known that $699 (the fee you legally owe SCO if you use Linux) is $300 more than the price Windows Server 2003 Web Edition, which has more features, greater stability, and has been shown time and time again to have a higher ROI.