spidometr 

Semi-jocularly, Russian university students' slang for an AIDS test. The word puns on "SPID", pronounced "speed", the Russian acronym for AIDS, and English "speedometer".

My nuzhen spidometr. (Translation: We need the "SPIDometer".)

spidometr by pentozali November 19, 2007

spidomengeetus of the blowhole 

Ones excuse to not come into work due to being lethargic.

I will not be coming in today due to my severe case of spidomengeetus of the blowhole.

spidomengeetus of the blowhole by Dr. Excuse December 13, 2013

stupidometry 

The amateur scientific discipline of observing and reporting the level of stupidity exhibited by individuals in response to stimuli. In recent years, the rise of user-generated content online has driven an upsurge in stupidometry. The practitioners of stupidometry and their subjects frequently engage in heated debate in online forums and the comments sections of popular blogs. The impartial observer will often find it difficult to distinguish between practitioners of stupidometry and their subjects, given the subjective and often overlapping nature of these roles.

Example of enthusiastic stupidometry in response to blog post
Article: iPhone 10 rumours...
Comments
A: what a stupid article its pointless
B: No, it's pointless.
A: thats what I said stupid
B: No, that's not what you said. You said "its pointless". Missing apostrophe. Don't call me stupid.
C: Like I can't believe you wasted you're time correcting grammar in the comments dude!
D: well you wasted your time dude lolz, just had to comment didn't ya?
B: And it's "your" not "you're"
C: Anyhoo... android is better and iPhone 10 only for stupid fanbois
...

stupidometry by freake March 6, 2014

Spirometer 

A handheld mirror used for viewing the gouch area or taint.

That dude needs to check his spirometer homes. His junk is whack, yo.

Spirometer by Woodcock89 March 3, 2018

spudometer

A handy-dandy gauge dat tallies up how many potatoes you've harvested, prepared, eaten, etc.

If da Little Red Hen had been baking potatoes instead of bread, her non-helpful colleague-animals would have glanced at their individual spudometer-readouts and found dat they all displayed da exact same humiliating/disappointing tally-figures:

"Number of spuds planted: 0
Number of spuds tended: 0
Number of spuds harvested: 0
Number of spuds prepared: 0
Number of spuds baked: 0"
And lastly, of course {{{drum roll}}} ---
"Number of baked spuds given me to eat: 0"

spudometer by QuacksO April 29, 2021

Sodometry 

Sodometry (noun) Pronunciation: /ˈsɒdəˌmɛtri/

Definition: The scientific measurement of the level of pain and discomfort experienced when a person is put into an awkward, embarrassing, or otherwise uncomfortable social or physical situation.
Explanation: Sodometry, derived from the words "sodomy" and "metrics," is the science of measuring emotional and physical distress in different scenarios. It seeks to quantify the experience of feeling emotionally and physically "sore".

The unit of measurement in sodometry is the Sodometric Index (SI), a scale ranging from 0 to 10, where:
0 SI: Zen-like tranquility; no discomfort at all.
1-2 SI: Mild discomfort; the kind where you laugh it off later.
3-4 SI: Moderate unease; the awkward dinner at the in-laws level.
5-6 SI: Significant discomfort; akin to making small talk at a party with people you don’t know.
7-8 SI: High emotional pain; like accidentally hitting "reply all" on an embarrassing email.
9-10 SI: Extreme distress; comparable to being the subject of a viral meme for something embarrassing.

Application: Sodometry can be applied to better gauge and articulate our emotional and/ or physical reactions. The Sodometric Index can help you measure and communicate just how uncomfortable the situation made you feel.
So, next time you're caught in an uncomfortable situation, remember to take a deep breath, channel your inner scientist, and calculate your Sodometric Index. It might just help you laugh about it later!

Example:
"Yesterday, I ran into my ex while on a date with someone new, and we all ended up in the same elevator for 10 floors. My Sodometric Index was easily a 9.5."

Literal example - Sodometry came in handy to understand how badly I was buggered during my last colonoscopy. My discomfort was a '9' on the sodometric index.

Sodometry by PC1008 June 5, 2024