souties 

A englishman with one foot in the UK, one Foot in South Africa, and his cock in the sea.

Stuart: I'm going to the UK with Lilly tomorrow!
Kobus: Julle is foken souties.

souties by africanbriton September 17, 2014

Genital Souties 

n. - A sexually transmitted virus that causes painful blisters that usually occur on the lips, genitals, and eyes. Genital Souties occur in rashes, or outbreaks, when the Souties Simplex Virus becomes active in the skin. Unlike Genital Herpes, which cause puss-filled blisters, Genital Souties are known to cause blisters that bear a distinctive resemblance to Brian Souter. Souties are known to have thick glasses, bushy beards, and are particularly painful in that Souties - unlike Herpes - are able to speak. Known to consistently harass the victim with endless conspiracy theories, Genital Souties often lead to suicide in victims who are desperate to escape the inane conspiracy talk.

Despite some available treatment options, there is no cure for Genital Souties. Ask your doctor about treatment options such as Soutrex. The only way to prevent Genital Souties is to avoid contact with conspiracy theorists.

Doctor: Son, I'm afraid I have some bad news: It's Genital Souties.

Victim: (begins weeping) Oh God, why did I keep going with that girl after she started talking about government mind control!

Genital Souties by Save Our Souters May 25, 2006

tossin' softies 

flacid, male ejaculation (involuntary pelvic thrusts may occur)

All up in da club, tossin' softies.

tossin' softies by tossin softies April 30, 2011

Snouties 

Considered a delicacy in the British Isles, Snouties are the scrapings of the inner lining of a pigs snout. To extract the Snouties, one uses a spoon-like instrument called ‘the snoon’.

The congealed paste of nostril lining and nasal fluid is traditionally spread over bread as a starter to the main course of Haggis. The taste has often been described as gritty and earthy with a hint of elderberries.

During the swine flu outbreak of of 2009, this dish was temporarily placed on the 'dangerous dishes' list by the W.H.O, and was only consumed by the brave of heart.

Mother:"Who wants snouties for lunch!!"
Kids: "WE DO!!!!!"
Kids: "Please mummy...can we lick the snoon??"

Snouties by Mid Atlantic May 25, 2009

soutie 

An insulting term used for english white South African. These South Africans were claimed to have one leg in South Africa and one leg in England, thus dipping their balls in the salty ocean. "Soutie" directly translated means "a salty"

"Listen now Charlize, I can't stand these souties and their stupid language any mores not"

soutie by yahya May 24, 2005

Souvies. 

Noun. Short for "souvenirs." Something that serves as a reminder.

Bring me back some sexy Souvies from the Red Light District. "Souvies."

Souvies. by JamesOtis December 30, 2011

crushin' softies

Is a term of art used to describe a methodology employed by the US Military in an effort to siphon out homosexuals from service in response to the apparent lack of success of federal statute 10 U.S.C. § 654, or more commonly referred to as the "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy. If a male serving in any military branch is suspected of engaging in homosexual activity, they will be called before there superior officer and asked to crush softies with one of there peers. To "crush" the suspected gay will pull out his penis and press it against the penis of his crushing partner. The idea is that the male's penis will remain flaccid and non-erect when pressed against the other male's wiener if he straight, thus proving his true sexuality. However if his penis becomes erect (a boner), the male has failed the test, and undoubtedly likes to sex other males in the fanny, thus precluding him from further military service. (Other words/phrases synonymous with the test include: "the crush game", "bumpin' soft-dick", "hamin' sandies" and "Captain Crunchin"). A similar test has been used to target homosexual females, known as "crushin' tits", however results are generally understood as unreliable due to varying room temperatures and the fact that no one cares if hoes wanna scissor each other.

Soldier: "Lieutenant Nilbog I've got some serious news. Private Johnson just got walked in on making a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread and listening to Coldplay!"

Lieutenant: "Holy fuck. Go get Johnson immediately and bring him in here. You two are gonna be crushin' softies till we get to the bottom of this."

crushin' softies by General Goblincock April 14, 2010