smoftie

a male over the age of fifty who is single and loving the fact that they are single

P1: look at that smoftie
P2: he looks like he's having fun being single at that age

by bing86 December 21, 2022

tossin' softies

flacid, male ejaculation (involuntary pelvic thrusts may occur)

All up in da club, tossin' softies.

by tossin softies April 30, 2011

The Masters Softie

When your getting a blowjob while watching The Masters and your interrupted by a call from your Wife.

My bitch wife called and ruined my blowjob and I was left with The Masters Softie.

by Meanie Lips April 9, 2017

Thumb in a softie

The action of inserting a flacid or semi flacid penis into ones sexual partner using a thumb or finger in an attempt to engage in coitus. The action is usually performed after the consumption of a considerable amount of alcohol and is regarded as a token effort at sexual intercourse.

"I was absolutely twatted and knew that there was no way that I could possibly perform, despite the fact that she was absolutely stunning and horny as a goat. I knew that if we didn't have sex she would be upset but I was drunk as a sailor. Therefore the only possible course of action was to thumb in a softie.

by toilet joe October 15, 2009

Softie

1. A person who is very tender-hearted when it comes to people and animals. A compassionate and gentle person, sometimes not always apparent from their rougher exterior, and yet some softies are so obvious that they become pushovers.

2. A semi-flaccid penis.

3. Bill Clinton.

"Fonzie acts like he's a leather-jacketed hooligan, but all his friends like Richie and Potsie know deep down the Fonz is really a softie."

by Lace Valentine October 30, 2004

thumbing in a softie

The term given to pushing a flaccid penis into the vagina.

Drunk dude: Im too pissed, its never gonna work
Female: Cmon work with it otherwise ill fuck your friends
Drunk dude: Well alright ill try thumbing in a softie.

by Jared Ellis January 18, 2008

crushin' softies

Is a term of art used to describe a methodology employed by the US Military in an effort to siphon out homosexuals from service in response to the apparent lack of success of federal statute 10 U.S.C. § 654, or more commonly referred to as the "Don't ask, Don't tell" policy. If a male serving in any military branch is suspected of engaging in homosexual activity, they will be called before there superior officer and asked to crush softies with one of there peers. To "crush" the suspected gay will pull out his penis and press it against the penis of his crushing partner. The idea is that the male's penis will remain flaccid and non-erect when pressed against the other male's wiener if he straight, thus proving his true sexuality. However if his penis becomes erect (a boner), the male has failed the test, and undoubtedly likes to sex other males in the fanny, thus precluding him from further military service. (Other words/phrases synonymous with the test include: "the crush game", "bumpin' soft-dick", "hamin' sandies" and "Captain Crunchin"). A similar test has been used to target homosexual females, known as "crushin' tits", however results are generally understood as unreliable due to varying room temperatures and the fact that no one cares if hoes wanna scissor each other.

Soldier: "Lieutenant Nilbog I've got some serious news. Private Johnson just got walked in on making a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread and listening to Coldplay!"

Lieutenant: "Holy fuck. Go get Johnson immediately and bring him in here. You two are gonna be crushin' softies till we get to the bottom of this."

by General Goblincock April 14, 2010