hontage 

a Circassian word for the male genitalia

My hontage is longing for my cousin.

hontage by halivayy July 20, 2020

Hostage Negotiation 

Having to use the bathroom in the absolute worst way, but either a) you're constipated or b) you have performance anxiety for whatever reason.

Dude, I was just in stall 3, and I had to do some major Hostage Negotiation in there... I was a little embarrassed, 'cause Lenny the VP was in the next stall. Although HE had no problem releasing the hostages.

Hostage Negotiation by AluMiNuM77 May 17, 2007

Holding your sausage hostage 

Masturbating
Choking the chicken
Beating the bishop
Slap boxing the one-eyed champ
Taking matters into your own hands
Squeezing the cream from the flesh twinkie
Having a date with Pam and her five friends
Having a tug-o-war with the cyclops
"the five finger knuckle shuffle on the one-eyed, blue-veined, purple-headed, custard-chucking, salty yogurt slinger."

"Jeremy, finding himself all alone, with a ready supply of porn, decided to take his sausage hostage."

Holding your sausage hostage by Johnny Pot Smoker September 5, 2003

hostage lunch 

Meal purchased by the company, often pizza, and delivered for employees who bosses require them to attend a meeting or work over their lunch hour.

"I was planning on running some errands over my lunch hour, but the VP is keeping us in a meeting. At least he ordered us hostage lunch."

hostage lunch by Cale Dempster December 9, 2008

Hostage Food 

(noun): Food that is purchased for employees or those attending meetings to eat during their breaks. Usually a bulk type food like many boxes of pizza, large sandwich tray. Generally much cheaper and of less quality than catered food. Main purpose being to feed a decent sized group of people cheaply.

Every sunday at work they feed us hostage food for lunch.
This cheap ass hostage food taste like shit.

Hostage Food by random0934598347598347 April 24, 2007

internet hostage

When you are talking to someone online and they will not let you log off peacefully. When you log on the next day there are usually 20-30 messages from them asking if you are there in your offline message.

You: Well its kinda late... I'm gonna go get some sleep.
Them: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! :'(
Them: Just stay and talk for a few more minutes PLZPLZPLZ
You: Ok...

(30 minutes later)

You: I really have to go, I have to wake up for work in 4 hours.
Them: But I really want to talk to you...
You: I have to go.
Them: 5 more mins!!!!
You: No, sorry. We can talk tomorrow or something.
Them: Tomorrow??? Come on just a few more minutes.
You: Bye
Them: Waaaaiiitt!

(Next Day)

"You have logged on to internet messaging service"

Offline messages:

Them: You there?
Them: Hello?
Them: Did you log off?
Them: I know you are there.
Them: You just went invisible.
Them: Why aren't you talking?
Them: Hellooooooo!?!?!?
*BUZZ!*
Them: Hey talk to me...

"Dude, this chick held me internet hostage for almost an hour last night. I thought I wasn't ever going to be able to log off."

internet hostage by MC C Dub July 7, 2009

hostage crisis 

A one-way conversation wherein the passive participant cannot break away from the one who is speaking, despite the tediously protracted passage of time. This is a common manifestation of fucktardation.

The 'hostage taker' often falls into (but is certainly not limited to) one of these categories:

1. the drunk person with whom one is barely acquainted, but who adamantly refuses to recognize their lack of a substantial past connection with the hostage and continues to shout about themselves over whatever noise is happening at the bar/club/concert/tractor pull

2. a person who has experienced a recent break-up, and feels compelled to verbally re-hash the experience ad nauseum

3. someone who habitually takes otherwise harmless small talk to the worst possible extreme, talking the ear off of anyone who will listen about insubstantial trivia because they cannot comprehend the beauty of conversational brevity

person one: "Hey Dangus, how did things go at your family reunion?"

person two: "Sketchy! I got spotted by my drunk-ass aunt...the bitch talked my ear off for an hour about her divorce, like I give a shit...her crackhead ex is probably getting his fudge tunnel reamed in some sketch pad right now. The hostage crisis went on for so long that I was getting desperate...so I farted really loud on purpose while she was talking, and then remarked, 'HEY, DID YOU HEAR WHAT THAT ASSHOLE SAID?' The lush's mouth dropped open and I bailed...crisis averted!"

hostage crisis by hecktor dangus, esq. May 17, 2008